Sleeping

If you are anything like me, you know the value of a good night's sleep. After a long and tiring (and not to mention busy!) day, all you need is to put your head on a comfortable pillow, close your eyes, and let the night pass in peace. Hopefully, you awake the next morning and realize that you have slept well and are now refreshed, ready to meet the day's challenges.

But what happens when you DO NOT sleep? Well, obviously, you get tired. You feel lazy and grumpy and you simply do not want to do anything. You get headaches. And you are frusrated because you just spent seven or eight hours laying on your bed, trying to sleep. The worst feeling is being up all alone at night when you know that everyone else is sound asleep.

ED robs his victims of sleep - simply because he likes to take away all happy moments from our lives. ED made me stay awake for every waking moment of the day. I could not sleep at night because ED made me starve all day, so the hunger pains in my stomach were simply too strong to ignore. The rumblings in my gut caused me severe discomfort, but ED told me to ignore them - to keep starving myself. All night I would lay in bed, reviewing what I had eaten during the day. ED reminded me of every morsel of food that I ate, criticizing me for every ounce of nourishment my body had received. He insulted me for not doing any physical activity. And so, during the night when everyone was asleep, I would have ED as company - unwanted and uninvited.

Foolish girl! Weak and lazy! How could you live with yourself, knowing that you ate ...... (insert food here) today?! How could you be so fat, not doing any activity? What will happen tomorrow? You will have gained weight. You will become fat. Insolent girl! Useless and undeserving of life!

Eventually, I broke down. In the ICU, ED kept me awake because he scared me with insults, threats of death, and more. I was put on medication to help me go to sleep....and thank God, they worked! Within an hour of taking my medication, I now fall asleep soundly. Does ED still try to haunt me at night? Of course he does. But I always try to ignore him, giving him no opportunity to ridicule me. He still ltries to creep in during my dreams, mocking me about my weight, shape, food, relationships, etc. But whenever I have a bad dream, I wake up and say a quick prayer, asking the Lord to give me peace and comfort.

And I know that ED will always try to tease me, whether I am awake or asleep. But another thing I know is that I have God on my side - and He is stronger than ED.

Because Jesus has said to '...be of good cheer. For I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). ED is in for a big surprise!

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