Sunday, 12 August 2012

'Fear' Foods

The title might make you think twice - why is 'fear' and 'food' put into the same sentence? I mean, isn't food just lovely? Why would any normal person FEAR food? It is just food. You make it, you buy it, you eat it. And that's it. Nothing to it.

Well, welcome to the world of ED, where food - usually certain kinds - are scary. I admit, when I first came into treatment, EVERYTHING was scary. An apple was poison. Vegetables were dangerous. Now, imagine what I did with desserts like cheesecake or chocolate?! I was panicking. I honestly thought that I would not survive to the next meal. It was frightening to be faced with desserts and to be expected to eat all of it.

It is so unfortunate how ED messes up with people's heads like this. Delicious desserts that are meant to be savoured and enjoyed become the enemy, the worst piece of food that can be placed in front of you. Eating no longer becomes pleasurable; it is a chore and punishment.

Eating desserts still makes me a bit anxious. When I see that I have to eat chocolate or cake, I start to feel tense. My mind instantly thinks of how wrong this, of how much weight I will gain, etc. But I am starting to realize when these thoughts are coming, so I quickly try to deflect them away by reminding myself that NORMAL people enjoy desserts even once in a while. And God made this food, so it must be good. I am trying to stop labelling foods as either 'good' or 'bad'. All foods in moderation is the perfect motto!

And so, I find that I am starting to even challenge myself to eat these foods I'm incorporating dessert-type foods into my meals, and each time, it actually becomes a bit easier to eat them. A perfect example of exposure therapy!


  1. Your blog should be used one day for so many people are desperate recover ! Keep it up and make sure you print this one day , Stong Girl Of Christ !

  2. Practice,practice and practice.
    That what I learnt certain skills

  3. You are right calling this exposure therapy or flooding you with the most fearful thing and you realize that no harm is done .
    I can see not only you are overcoming your fears of food but also you are starting to enjoy some .
    Keep going

    Kingston On

  4. Food is good
    Let's enjoy it
    I agree some like cake in moderation


  5. I hope I can practice enjoying foods without coming to inpatient program but it is hard for me now .
    You are giving me a hope that coming to program will help me eat and enjoy what I am eating
    Thanks a lot

    A A

  6. You got it right
    Every thing in moderation is healthy
    Food is healthy
    All healthy No Bad food
    I completely agree

  7. I agree my pleasant young lady.
    My problem was alcohol and every body said to me moderation as 1 or 2 drinks daily is fine .

    Moderation,Moderation is the key
    You are right

    Carlos lopez

  8. Your story is extremely powerful, beautiful and sensational! I may not know you personally, but my friends have told me about you and your miraculous story and recovery. You proved to everyone that you won the fight against death, that you are strong because you fought the urges of not eating, ... God has been with you during your whole journey and he'll keep going with you. You are in my prayers.

    God Bless :)

  9. Wow
    you deserve this joy of tasting your food
    you deserve a happy good life

  10. I am happy again today to know you are tasting,enjoying foods
    Yes my dear God gave us plenty of foods all good to nourish,enjoy and feel happy
    This is a blessing of Virgin Mary


  11. You, my dear, are a true inspiration. Not just to those with ED but to people everywhere. Your journey has taught others how important it is to persevere when one is in a tough situation. Whether it be eating a piece of cake, or fighting through those last few hours of work, your story has inspired me to value my experiences and to never give up when I start something that can change my life for the better.
    Keep pushing forward through your treatment and with Christ's love and guidance you will get through this stage in your life with grace!!
    You're in my prayers!

  12. I am very glad to see and hear good new about your progress.Please keep going


  13. I read your blog and I think I know you as I was one of the guys coming to your room each morning doing EKG on you while you were struggling.
    I am very happy to know you are recoevring well.It is a miracle .
    You are a very beatiful young girl ,your smile to people is always on your face even when your were fighting to catch your breath.
    You are the strong person I ever seen.Trust me when I say this as this is true

    I will continue to read your blog and follow your recovery and may be one day I meet you again

    L Y

  14. That is wonderful
    Please taste the cake ,enjoy the food and keep motivated
    You need to catch up with your life


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