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Showing posts from 2019

Lessons as 2019 closes, and welcoming in 2020!!!

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CHRISTMAS! You know that this is my favourite time of the year. The music, the colours, the lights, the treats, the joy...it is such a magical time. This year has been a VERY different Christmas for me. Let me explain: I used to put up my decorations in early December...and then do nothing else until Christmas arrived. Then, we would open gifts, celebrate with the family...and Christmas would be over. As I have come along my journey towards practicing more self-compassion and self-care (more on that in upcoming posts in 2020 - keep your eyes open for it and subscribe to the blog for updates!), I realized that Christmas need not be a 'day' event. What do I mean by this? We spend so much time decorating, shopping, etc...leading up to Christmas. Then, the day arrives, we celebrate, and then - just like that - it is over. I think oftentimes, this leaves us with 'post-holiday blues'. And then all we can do is wait until the next holiday, hoping for another magical tim

CBT - Part One: What is CBT?

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I'm sure you've heard of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) before. Actually, I think I have mentioned it a couple of times as well. Simply put, CBT aims at changing your thoughts from distorted to more realistic. It takes a lot of time, as you may imagine, to actually do this. However, CBT is promising, as results from numerous studies show that it can be very helpful to people who suffer from various mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, or even a difficult time in life. This link has a great mini-guide on what CBT is. CBT is about the connection between our thoughts, actions, and feelings. They are related and impact one another. Consider this: you FEEL anxious because you have a work deadline coming up. Then, you THINK 'oh, no. I'll never get this done! I'll be yelled at by my boss. I am a failure!'. You may find that instead of being productive and doing your work, you isolate yourself, cry, feelexhausted...or even u

Acceptance does not mean approval!

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We have discussed what it means to accept something - to accept something means to acknowledge that it ' is what it is'. It does not necessarily involve LIKING what is happening...and I think this is where many of us struggle. For example, imagine a tough day: you are late for work, you got into an argument with a friend or loved one, you spilled coffee on your shirt...oh, man. What a day! To top it all of, you are stuck in traffic on your way home, and you remember that you have an assignment due tomorrow. Or an overdue bill. And now...you burst. This. is. too. much. You feel tired, angry, frustrated, and 'up to your limit'. You feel the tension and fatigue in your muscles, the strain in your neck and back, and the ache in your heart. You have every feeling to just scream. Or cry. Or both. Actually - you don't even know WHAT you need. You just feel...awful. The hardest thing to do in these times is to just...accept. Yup, you heard me. Accept that it is what

What happens if I turn back to a habit I've been trying to break?

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We have talked a lot about how to break habits that have been annoying or bothering us in our daily lives. Now, let's say that you have done an outstanding job of breaking a habit. You are exhausted and anxious, but you did it! Then....life happens. What does that mean? You get stressed. You hear bad news. You are simply having a tough day and the last thing you want to do is continue fighting your battles. The 'easy' option is to fall back into the habit that was routine, that brought you comfort. This could be anything from using substances, to eating too much/too little, to neglecting to do your work, to isolating yourself, to not taking care of yourself or others, etc. But then deep inside, you KNOW that this is not what you want. You don't want to go 'back' into using the habit that - although was momentarily helpful - brought you long-term pain, distress, and consequences. But right now, you are tired and every inch of you can't fight. You simpl

If you're in need of some strength today....

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My faith plays a major role in my life. God's love for us is truly never-ending. The Bible is a wonderful place to turn to when you feel down or need encouragement. Even if you are not Christian, I can assure you that these verses will make you feel at peace and comforted. The Bible is FULL of amazing things....but I can only type so many here. For now, let's start's with some of my favourites. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) -how beautiful is this? When you are feeling like you don't know what's going on in your life...TRUST. Let go and realize that God - who knows all and sees all - has your back. He will never leave you. Don't hurt your head or heart wondering...just leave it to Him. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, shall guide your hea

Self-care - an important part of life!

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I used to laugh when I heard people saying that self care is important. I mean, sure, taking care of ourselves sounded important. But society makes it sound like self-care requires you to get a manicure, plan a vacation, buy expensive products, eat meals out, etc. And to be honest, this sounded EXHAUSTING. Think about it: you get home from work after a long day. Do you have the energy to go to the gym? Maybe not. Do you have the money at this moment to purchase a spa package every weekend? Maybe not. Those were my thoughts exactly. So, was I a failure at self-care? Was there something wrong with me? After speaking with a few role models, mentors, and close loved ones, I began to learn something critical: self-care doesn't have to be expensive or time-consuming. Self-care can mean simply taking the time to close your eyes and be thankful for the day passing in peace. Self-care can mean soaking your feet in water after a long day at work. Self-care can mean turning your phone o

Breaking Habits Part Eight - Radical Acceptance

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Welcome to part eight of our series on breaking habits. If you've missed the previous parts of this series, or need a refresher, it'll be a good idea to review what we've talked about in terms of how to get started in making changes in your life, how to persevere through challenging moments, and tolerating distress associated with these situations. The first post can be found here , and you can continue to read the following posts. Today, we are going to discuss the concept of 'radical acceptance'. What does acceptance mean? To accept something means to 'take it as it is', and to realize that you might not be able to change things. For example, when we accept our loved ones as they are, we recognize that although we might not like everything about them, although there are things we wish we could change about them, we love them regardless. What role does acceptance play in our lives when trying to break habits, or make changes in our ways of acting and t

Breaking Habits Part Seven - Be a Scientist and Experiment!

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Continuing in our discussion on how to break habits. We've covered quite a few topics - please take a look at the past posts for more goodies on how to break our habits! Today, I'd like to discuss a critical part of breaking habits, one that often scares many of us. The idea of actually breaking habits - whether that be physical behaviours or mental/emotional thoughts - is that we have to DO/THINK THE OPPOSITE. This post talks a bit about how to start changing our thinking and actions. In short, need to learn new ways of thinking, feeling, and doing. And this, as we all know, is hard work. This post will review one way to go about doing this - I challenge you to become a scientist and conduct an experiment. What does this mean? I want you to think about a behaviour you are doing. Of course, if it did not serve a purpose in your life, you would not be doing it. But at the same time, this behaviour or action might cause you distress, fear, anger, or frustration. For exa

Breaking Habits Part Six: Talking to Yourself!

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We previously discussed coping statements that we can use to help get us through difficult times. The way we talk to ourselves is incredibly important. Our brains internalize what we say - and think. This is how habits in thinking and behaviour are created. Our neurons form connections - 'neurons that fire together, wire together.  From one perspective, this is why the more negative things you say to yourself or about yourself, the more you believe them. And the harder it is to think differently. BUT, the opposite is true: if you consistently say positive things to yourself, you will internalize them. It is critical to remember that you might not necessarily 'believe' what you are saying . For example, we know that in tough times, it will pass. No feeling lasts forever. But in the moment, this certainly doesn't feel true! In times of distress, pain, sadness, etc., it feels like it will always be this way. There is no ONE way to fix this. I have learned, in my own

Breaking Habits Part Five: Coping Statements

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Last time , we talked about self-compassion: learning to be kind to ourselves. It is truly difficult to do this all the time, especially when life gets frustrating. Being kind to ourselves means that we acknowledge that: 1) No one is perfect 2) Struggles and challenges - and even mistakes - do not define us 3) We are not valuable or loved because of our appearances or accomplishments. While looking 'good' and being successful are important, we are worthy regardless of these 4) Being gentle and kind to ourselves means understanding that we are enough. But it also means that we can always grow and improve As we practice compassion to ourselves, it is helpful to have some coping statements to keep us focused on our values, goals, and dreams. There are different coping statements you can repeat at various times in your life. You can even make your own! Now, let's be real: sometimes you can say a statement to yourself - and it won't 'make anything better'

Breaking Habits Part Four: Self-Compassion

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Welcome to part 4 in our series on breaking habits. The last post discussed tolerating distress, and alluded to the fact that practicing self-compassion can greatly help us here. This post will help clarify what it means to be compassionate to ourselves, and how we can go about doing this practically. We often hear about 'self love', but what does this truly mean? We often think that self-love means we need to love everything about ourselves - outside, inside, etc. And while this is true, it is often exaggerated because self-love really does not have to mean that you love yourself in all ways possible . Why do I say this? Because we all have things we wish we could change about ourselves. Instead, let's redefine self-love to ACCEPTANCE. We accept ourselves as we are - the parts we love, AND the parts that we don't love as much. When we look at it this way, self-compassion becomes a lot easier! (P.S. I recommend that you take time to see this site , where you can le

Breaking Habits Part Three: Tolerating the Distress

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This is part 3 in our series about Breaking Habits. Did you miss the last post? You can read about it here . Now, we know that we have a habit we want to break or change. We understand that there are steps we can take to do this, and we have a plan for how to achieve this. But then, like most new things - we start to make changes, and we feel uncomfortable. Worried. Anxious. Distressed. Angry. Fatigued. On one hand - we want to make the changes. On the other hand, we try to make changes, and we feel distressed. We so desperately want to keep up these new habits, but the discomfort and unfamiliarity is not pleasant. We want to go back to the comfort, the familiar.  Deep down, we know that the old, 'comfortable' habits were temporarily. They provided us with relief in the moment, but not in the long-term. And yet, this instant relief or freedom from discomfort is luring. This is when we need to practice distress tolerance. It is only by continuing to practice opposite acti