Compliments

ED is the master of twisting things around. He can take anything and somehow make it seem horrible or negative. He is particularly skilled at doing this with compliments that I hear from others.

When someone tells me that I 'look healthier' or 'all better', ED immediately tells me that this person is alluding to the fact that I gained weight.

He/she is saying that you have gained so much weight and that it is obvious. They are telling you that you are fat. And they are right. You are nothing short of huge, ugly, and a failure.

You can see how this is problematic. Here I am, getting great compliments from people who mean well. All they want to tell me is that I am getting better and that they are proud of me. They are happy to see me healthy and they want to share this with me. But ED does not let me feel the joy I should be feeling when others praise my efforts. Instead, ED twists around compliments to make me feel useless and unattractive.

It really sucks. I mean, how is anyone supposed to support me if they cannot tell me that I'm doing well and that I look healthier?! I suppose it is a matter of changing the way I see things. If I refuse to let ED in and change what others are saying, I can be sure that I will take compliments in a positive and constructive manner. If someone tells me that I look healthier, I will not let ED tell me that I look fat. Instead, I'll take the comment the way it was intended - that I indeed look better, because I am not knocking on death's door any longer. If people say that I 'look better', I will understand that this means that I do not look sick anymore. And this is a good thing!

So, I have to be mindful of the way that ED twists around words and conversations. He is great at making me feel down, and he knows how to make things seem worse than they really are. He is a pro at putting me down and making me feel worthless. The important part is for me to recognize that the nasty voice in my head that is filtering all positive aspects of people's comments is ED. He wants to bring me down, to take away every source of joy and happiness in my life - including the pleasant comments that others give me. So, today, I WILL NOT let ED control the way I hear comments from others. And, if for any reason he somehow manages to twist things around, I will ask the person what they really meant by their comment.

ED does not stand a chance.

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