Monday, 20 August 2012

God's Plan

Have you ever taken a few moments in your day to stop and reflect on WHY you are here. What is your purpose on this Earth? What plan does God have for you?

I was always a curious child, so questions were constantly filling my head. Now, in walked ED. And that put even MORE questions about my existence in my head. Why did I get ED? Why me, of all people? What is God's plan for me? Doesn't He know that I am suffering because of anorexia? What good can come from this? Why can't He take away all my suffering and free me from this misery? In short, WHY AM I HERE?!

Being a victim of ED has brought me down to my lowest points in life. I have endured innumerable days of starvation, hardly eating anything and feeling the rumbles and groans in my stomach. I have felt my stomach being empty - void of any nourishment or food. I have seen my clothes slipping off me, elastics and belts doing nothing to keep pants up. I have felt others being reluctant to hug me out of fear that they would break my fragile bones. I have slept and awaken to fears of gaining weight and becoming fat. I have lived two months in the hospital and ICU, not knowing whether or not I would see my loved ones the next day.

So, after all of this, you can imagine that I am confused as to what God has in store for me, Why is He allowing me to suffer not only the effects of anorexia, but also the challenges in recovery? Why can't He just cure me and not allow me to go through this?

I've always been a firm believer in my faith, and I suppose that this case is no different. Deep down, I am 100%  certain that God does in fact have a plan for me. Perhaps God allowed me to suffer with ED in order to bring awareness to others about this horrible monster. Maybe God let me go through this illness because He wanted to teach me to value my life - every waking moment that I am alive and healthy. Or maybe God wants me to help others with eating disorders, or to teach parents/family members about how to prevent/help someone with ED. Suppose God wants to teach me that suffering is not always a bad thing - that I can learn a great deal from my trails and obstacles.

Now, I can think of reasons why God is letting me endure these harships, but this certainly does not take the challenges away. However, it gives me a sense of hope. A feeling that this too shall pass, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is well worth the present darkness. That in suffering with ED, I will emerge as a stronger and more confident individual, one who has seen terrible moments in her life but has persevered through them all. I will learn to cherish my friends, my family, and most of all, my own body and well-being. I will let others know that they are beautiful for who they are, and that no one has the right to say otherwise. I will praise the Lord's name continually, for He is the One who has guided me through my obstacles. I will worship Him and adore Him always, because He never left my side - regardless of what I was going through.

For God has said, "be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified... for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deutronomy 31:6).

23 comments:

  1. My lovely nurse Marina
    Cheer up my dear,You put to that test for a very good reason.Only God know what He planning for you but from now and reading all comments written about you .I read victims motivated by your blog,I read mothers keeping an eye and trying to protect their youngest.I see people learning about this serious disease.I can see people start to develp a good understanding from your blog and I think this may influence media and hghlight public awareness.
    I can see how now you are helping and i believ your real mision upon graduation as a nurse you do much and much to help
    As a writer you are already doing
    As a lawyer ,you can defend your case and push politician to do more to prevent disease
    As a teacher you can teach youghest also and protect them
    You started to do this now
    Your mision has started
    Now Just focus on recoevry and nursing
    I love you more and more

    Henry
    Washington,D C

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    1. Thanks Henry! It is great to be able to look at things as you did. I am blessed to have readers like yourself. Please keep me in your thoughts, that the Lord may reach out to others through this blog. I appreciate your daily comments and dedication to reading my blog!

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    2. Thank you for replying to my comments.I am happy as finally you are paying attention to me.You are alawyas in my thoughts,prayer and my heart
      God bless you
      Keep going you are makinga big difference


      Henry

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  2. trust me ,I wish you are my daughter.I can explain how much I am gratful and thankful to you.You helped me saving my daughter who was about to drift to this Ed direction.
    If this is not what God has planned for you,what would it be.
    God bless you.

    A thankful mother

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    1. WOW! I am blessed to have this comment! I am so thankful that you have helped your daughter before ED got too deep. Please, keep helping her and supporting her. ED can go away and (sadly) return multiple times. Be watchful and be caring to your dear daughter. You are in my prayers!

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    2. Thanks again.
      I will read your blog and I am keeping a file and have it in front of all family and friend so that they can learn how to defend against this terrible disease

      Thanks again

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  3. I yet to see one person who has lots of good stuff as you do.
    I read in this blog more praise than support and I do not object as I also believe you need to get all the credits for all the good things you do.
    You deserve more than what people said about you.

    Jack
    Political science student

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    1. Thank you Jack! Truth be told, it is the glory of God that writes through these blogs. I am very blessed to get such wonderful comments as yours. Please keep me in your prayers!

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  4. Hi marina
    You are my Hero.
    I think without you ,I wouldn't have even thought to register to treatment.
    This is what is God preparing you for,.
    Please persevere.
    Thank you


    Anne A

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    1. Anne, your comments now have hope in them - compared to the beginning of the blog. I am so proud of you. Getting help for ED is hard, but a very barve gesture on your part. Know that I am always here to support you. Keep fighting for your precious life!

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    2. It you who motivated me.
      Thank you

      Anne A

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  5. Marina
    God knows your skills ,ability and your love to give and that is why ,He is preparing you to a mision .I know you have been through a lot and you still have a lot to do but you are much stronger than before and I trust every day you are becomeing more and more stronger than any Challenge.
    Getting negative worry away may take time but you will notice that day after day will become easier
    Theory of practice ,practice till you master and teach


    My Humble respect

    Mohammed
    Kingston,On

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    1. Mohammed, your comments are always appreciated. I thank you for your motivation and kind words. May God bless you. Please keep me in your prayers!

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  6. I believe God allow hardship to happen for a good reason.I believe you are coming out of this experience more stronger and having a real life experience and armed with all God's power to fight this illness and similar one and defend others against this monster.It is clear in your case why God allow this to happen to you.All people comments give you a sense that you are makinga difference right here right now.
    My young lady Trust me God is working with you and through you.

    Mary
    Mississauga

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    1. Mary, I am thankful for your comments that always fill me with hope. Please pray that God may continue to strengthen and help others through this blog, including myself.

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    2. Thanks Marina for reply and your blog

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  7. Hi Marina
    You are emerging from this experience much stronger than any challenge ED can come up with.
    I learnt that hardship makes us more strong and more experienced.
    You are like a gold ,when you put in fire ,will emerge more genuine ,brighter and precious.
    You are the treasure and the gold.
    You are the salt to many lives like that gives taste to our food.
    I love you


    Jorge
    Toronto,On

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    1. I like that anaology! Thank you very much Jorge. God bless you. I appreciate your comments and am blessed. Please continue to keep me in your prayers!

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    2. Of course you are in my thoughts and prayers
      You are the best

      Jorge

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  8. I beleive witing your blog and telling others your exeperience and and giving hints about this disease is helping victims and their families.
    If this is not God's plan ,what would it be??

    GOOOOOOO

    S C

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    1. SC, your comments are always comforting and inspiring. May God bless you. I pray that this blog does continue to help others, whether they are victims of ED or not. Please keep me in your prayers!

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  9. I am following your blog from the start and I will continue

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  10. I am in awe, this was well written and expresses your heart. Much love - Jennifer

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