Have you ever taken a few moments in your day to stop and reflect on WHY you are here. What is your purpose on this Earth? What plan does God have for you?
I was always a curious child, so questions were constantly filling my head. Now, in walked ED. And that put even MORE questions about my existence in my head. Why did I get ED? Why me, of all people? What is God's plan for me? Doesn't He know that I am suffering because of anorexia? What good can come from this? Why can't He take away all my suffering and free me from this misery? In short, WHY AM I HERE?!
Being a victim of ED has brought me down to my lowest points in life. I have endured innumerable days of starvation, hardly eating anything and feeling the rumbles and groans in my stomach. I have felt my stomach being empty - void of any nourishment or food. I have seen my clothes slipping off me, elastics and belts doing nothing to keep pants up. I have felt others being reluctant to hug me out of fear that they would break my fragile bones. I have slept and awaken to fears of gaining weight and becoming fat. I have lived two months in the hospital and ICU, not knowing whether or not I would see my loved ones the next day.
So, after all of this, you can imagine that I am confused as to what God has in store for me, Why is He allowing me to suffer not only the effects of anorexia, but also the challenges in recovery? Why can't He just cure me and not allow me to go through this?
I've always been a firm believer in my faith, and I suppose that this case is no different. Deep down, I am 100% certain that God does in fact have a plan for me. Perhaps God allowed me to suffer with ED in order to bring awareness to others about this horrible monster. Maybe God let me go through this illness because He wanted to teach me to value my life - every waking moment that I am alive and healthy. Or maybe God wants me to help others with eating disorders, or to teach parents/family members about how to prevent/help someone with ED. Suppose God wants to teach me that suffering is not always a bad thing - that I can learn a great deal from my trails and obstacles.
Now, I can think of reasons why God is letting me endure these harships, but this certainly does not take the challenges away. However, it gives me a sense of hope. A feeling that this too shall pass, and that the light at the end of the tunnel is well worth the present darkness. That in suffering with ED, I will emerge as a stronger and more confident individual, one who has seen terrible moments in her life but has persevered through them all. I will learn to cherish my friends, my family, and most of all, my own body and well-being. I will let others know that they are beautiful for who they are, and that no one has the right to say otherwise. I will praise the Lord's name continually, for He is the One who has guided me through my obstacles. I will worship Him and adore Him always, because He never left my side - regardless of what I was going through.
For God has said, "be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified... for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deutronomy 31:6).