Wednesday, 19 September 2012

Time for ME!

Yesterday was a really busy day. I had classes all day, with no breaks in between. It was hectic. I was studying my notes for a test, listening to a lecture, and practicing my nursing skills. Once I got home, I had to type an assignment, watch tutorial videos, and print my next lectures.

By eight o'clock at night, I was exhausted. I felt so tired, but I had so much work left to do. I took a peek into my family room and saw my parents sitting, watching a movie. And I really wanted to go sit with them...just to breathe and have some fun.

It was so frustrating - should I go have fun? NO! I couldn't go...I had way too much work to do. But I was SO tired...didn't I deserve a little break?

My mom soon came into the room and told me that I had been studying for too long, and that it was time for a break. I had been working all day long - the least I could do now was to have some fun.

My perfectionism started to kick in. I couldn't just stop working now - I had so much left to do! But I was feeling stressed by this point...I really just wanted to relax.

Finally, I made the decision to go watch the movie with my parents. Part of me was angry that I did this - the perfectionist part. It felt like I was abandoning my duties as a student. But the other part of me realized how tired I was. If I kept studying, I probably wouldn't get too much done anyways. Besides, life has to be a balance between work and play.

Honestly, that felt like it was the hardest thing I have ever done. It may sound silly to you, but ripping myself away from studying feels 'wrong'. But I'm starting to realize that I need to 'chill out' sometimes and take time for me. To play, to read, to watch a movie...anything that I want. But the important thing is that I breathe, relax, and feel that I've done everything that I could've.

I've done my part. The rest is up to God. And I can actually take a break and feel that I have truly done my best. I've worked so hard. It's time for ME!!!

15 comments:

  1. I am also glad you touched on this perfectionism.
    Please please as you are trashing all ED,trash also perfectionism.
    No one ,even profits is perfect .If you give in to perfectionism ,you are putting yourself under stress and then ED comes quickly with restriction recipe ,,
    I was about to relapse my last time when I gave in to perfectionism but thank God ,my therapist always kept me aware of this..
    Be aware of perefctionsim,
    Only aim for the middle ,and if you achieve more ,you will be more happy
    If you aim for perfectionism ,and no one is and so you will not achieve your goals ,and so you from the begining you know the stress is coming...

    You are helping poeple and so I am supporting you and sharing my own experinec with you.
    I know you are aware and I hope to see and meet you one day.

    Recovered ED victim

    ReplyDelete
  2. My Lovely daughter
    Please always love your self and plan for your wellbeing.
    If you look at whatever can please you ,and you do it ,I am sure you will perform the best.
    I care too much about you
    You made my daughter happy and healthy and i will be grateful for you to the end of my life
    As a commitment ,I will pray for you and care about your happiness

    My love ,care and suppor

    A Thankful mother

    ReplyDelete
  3. My Dear Marina
    As you know this is my last year as psychology student but I am planning to advance my eduaction.From my humbele experience ,I can say when I am well rested,sleeping well and feeling well,I am able to focus ,concentrate and achieve much more .
    I pray for you that you first love and care for yourself and then when you work ,you will notice how much you can achieve

    With my humble respect
    Mohammed

    Non of all the profits I know was perfect.

    My humble respect and admiration to your commitment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Who on earth is perfect
    Give me a break
    Marina ,be easy on your self
    What is wrong with doing just a little and focus more on happiness,fun and wellbeing.
    Your brain needs more fun,happiness and laughter to get all neurones back to work .
    Your organs need to be relaxed ,not stressed in order to benifit from nutrition
    All this will close doors on ED and seal any cracks so will not pentrate ..

    I admire you and I hope you be easy on yourself

    Jack

    Do I sound like a politician?? ,Ha Ha Ha

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am very happy that you are able to do that and still looking after your self.
    When I was in my deep depression,I quit my university and I did not re-start till my complete recovery and I did start at slow rate .
    I admire you and very proud of my Arabic neighbour to be so talented ,smart ,knowldgible ,able and helpful and A LEADER ,leading others to recovery ,not only from ED but daily life troubles


    My love and admiration

    Mays

    ReplyDelete
  6. My Love
    I do not care about studying ,homework ,duties ,,,
    What I need and care about is you my love

    Please please please take care of your self and make sure your top priority is looking for what make you happy
    I am sure one day I will see you and will have fun all the time


    With my love and prayer

    Henry

    ReplyDelete
  7. My daughter
    God wants us to do just little bit and He will bless and do all the rest.

    Remember Jesus Crist lives in our bodies and so We need to rest,nurture ,love and care for our bodies.
    God bless and loves you,so do I

    Sunday Priest

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bravo Marina

    The bemifits of complete recovery is Making Time for your self and for fun ,no matter what work you like to do .
    Be aware of ED when he wears the mask of perfectionism


    My respect and prayers

    Mary

    ReplyDelete
  9. I can conclude from follwing your blog that you are loved by many whom you know and by many many whom you do not and may never know or meet.
    I urge you to love your self.
    I can applaud your hard work and altruism .But I believ starting by loving your self and set role model of how We love ,care and protect our health

    My regards
    Juliana
    Socail science student

    ReplyDelete
  10. We love you so much Marina.
    Please love the beautiful,kind and caring Marina.
    When you love a person,you want to do any thing to make them happy and take away any stress.You want to take them for fun,spend good time .Can you love yourself and treat your self as you treat your lover,Jorge ,
    I love you so much and I want and wish do any thing to make you happy and feels good away from stress

    With my jenuine love
    Jorge

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Marina
    I am writing while I am now in program .I went to your previous blog and I exactly felt what you talked about.Every moment I feel I am tired ,I feel also motivated to do every thing you recommend .I believ in all what you said and I am willing to tolerate all the torture ,frustartion of recovery as I am now convinced more that ever is the only way to get my life back

    Yes Marina ,Recovery is tough ,feels like jail and torture but eventaully I will enjoy the sweet of recovery.I deserve a good life so do you .
    I am here to stay
    I will challenge my ambivalence ,perfectionism ,white and black views,and occasional denial of my illness and my poor self image.
    I will challenge my ED thoughts and fight him hand in hand with you.I will stay the course
    You motivated me and here I am.
    Unfortuantely my group here not encouraging and nurses are tough and mean,,sorry Marina ,I know you are a nurse but to me a real nurse who cares,loves and support.
    Excuse me and forgive me if I can not send you a comment regularly as my timing is tough and to have a computer access is even toughter.

    Thank you for the motivation.
    I am here to recover thanks to Marina

    My family and friends as well as myself are very grateful to you

    My thanks and respect

    Anne in recovery

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I am happy for you and for Anne .I believe a lot of people got motivated to change after reading your blog
    You are a stimulator and motivator.
    I admire you


    Sally

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was behind in reading your blog but I am happy that I now catching up and more happy that you are crushing ED ideology .Also happy to hear from some how much your blog had a positive effect on them.I also believe many more read but never think of sending a line .I was one of them at the begining

    Keep up and you have all my prayers and support

    Meriett
    Mississauga,ON

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.