That 'feeling'

I was sitting in my class and listening to my lecture. And I looked at the time because I was just so bored and couldn't wait to finish. Lo and behold, it was time to whip out my lunch and eat.

Then ED started blabbing.

You don't feel hungry now. Why would you eat when you are not hungry?! That would make you a pig. And then you'd gain even more weight! Besides, most people around you skip lunch. Don't eat - who will ever know?
AH!!! In one way, he's right - no one would ever know. No one notices whether you've eaten at school or not. So technically, I could just not eat. Skip lunch or my snack. I did it for many years...why shouldn't I do it now?

But I'm different now. I know that when I don't eat, I give in to ED. I give him a chance to come back into my life and ruin it. And I've felt the benefits of eating - my stomach doesn't growl with hunger pains, my legs aren't weak anymore, and my personality is coming back. As much as ED hates it, eating has been the most important thing I've done in my recovery.

So whenever ED tries to tell me that I'm not hungry and shouldn't eat, I just have to say that while I may not be hungry, I have to eat. As much as I hate the phrase 'food is medicine', sometimes it helps to serve as a reminder of why I'm eating when I don't feel like it. And as much as I know that no one will realize that I haven't eaten, I've chosen to recover and it is my duty to keep my body healthy.

ED will try anything to get me to restrict and become his slave once again. Part of recovery is knowing when he is deceiving me and exposing his lies. Because the more I expose hi terrible ways, the more I realize how corruptive he is.

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