I've just started school, and already I'm flustered with the amout of work that I have. Well, there's nursing for you. I'm flipping pages back and forth, taking notes on a book, listening to a module, trying to learn how to insert an NG tube into a patient...what am I forgetting?
Oh yes, time for myself.
It is so easy to get caught up in the daily hassles of life. Especially for me - someone who loves to study and enjoys it. And it is great that I love learning, because you really need that if you are in nursing. But it becomes a problem when all you can do is think about school, your homework, the patients you need to care for, and what time you need to be at school.
This is something that I have struggled with all my life, but since ED came along, I have realized tbat I tend to get worried about my work more than I should be. I'm not quite sure what the connection is, but I believe that this is ED's way of making me feel the pressures to be 'perfect'. ED tries to make me feel inferior to the world by telling me that I need to have the perfect body, the perfect face, and perfect marks. In summary, ED wants me to be the impossible.
Lose weight. Be skinny. Look! There is fat all over your body. And if you do not study enough, you`ll be a failure at that too! What a pathetic and useless girl!
And so I end up feeling glum, certain that I AM useless and a failure at everything. I can`t be thin. I can`t get perfect grades in school. In short, I am nothing but pathetic, just as ED says. Right?
WRONG! This is all part of his trap. He gets me so caught up in my school work and makes me feel as though I am nothing if I cannot finish all of my work in one day. He makes me feel as though I cannot be àverage`- I have to strive to achieve perfection in everything. And how realistic is this? Simply put, it isn`t!
So, as I am caught up in my school work, I have to remember to take time for ME. To do the things that I like to do - to read interesting novels, to play games, to chat with my family, or to watch TV. ED will tel me that when I do these things, I am being lazy and unproductive. And do you know what I say?
FINE! If enjoying my life - all things in moderation - means that I am being lazy, then that is what I want to be. I want to study and get good marks, but I also want to do the things that make me happy. And yes, ED hates it when I am happy.
All the more reason to laugh and smile.