Saturday, 8 September 2012

Caught Up!

I've just started school, and already I'm flustered with the amout of work that I have. Well, there's nursing for you. I'm flipping pages back and forth, taking notes on a book, listening to a module, trying to learn how to insert an NG tube into a patient...what am I forgetting?

Oh yes, time for myself.

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily hassles of life. Especially for me - someone who loves to study and enjoys it. And it is great that I love learning, because you really need that if you are in nursing. But it becomes a problem when all you can do is think about school, your homework, the patients you need to care for, and what time you need to be at school.

This is something that I have struggled with all my life, but since ED came along, I have realized tbat I tend to get worried about my work more than I should be. I'm not quite sure what the connection is, but I believe that this is ED's way of making me feel the pressures to be 'perfect'. ED tries to make me feel inferior to the world by telling me that I need to have the perfect body, the perfect face, and perfect marks. In summary, ED wants me to be the impossible.

Lose weight. Be skinny. Look! There is fat all over your body. And if you do not study enough, you`ll be a failure at that too! What a pathetic and useless girl!

And so I end up feeling glum, certain that I AM useless and a failure at everything. I can`t be thin. I can`t get perfect grades in school. In short, I am nothing but pathetic, just as ED says. Right?

WRONG! This is all part of his trap. He gets me so caught up in my school work and makes me feel as though I am nothing if I cannot finish all of my work in one day. He makes me feel as though I cannot be àverage`- I have to strive to achieve perfection in everything. And how realistic is this? Simply put, it isn`t!

So, as I am caught up in my school work, I have to remember to take time for ME. To do the things that I like to do - to read interesting novels, to play games, to chat with my family, or to watch TV. ED will tel me that when I do these things, I am being lazy and unproductive. And do you know what I say?

FINE! If enjoying my life - all things in moderation - means that I am being lazy, then that is what I want to be. I want to study and get good marks, but I also want to do the things that make me happy. And yes, ED hates it when I am happy.

All the more reason to laugh and smile.


  1. Wow well said Marina! You are honestly my idol right now.

  2. Yes Marina Balance between doing the essential of your work and enjoying time for your self is all of students looking for .Let me be clear if you can not balance ,YOU should be first.Your wellbeing and happiness is the key to your success at school and in all life.
    Remember ED is very smart and knows exactly what works for you so he tells you keep working till finish and get highest marks and no moderation so you get very involoved in this,overwhelmed ,sad and cycle again to the slippery mud.
    Marina I struggled with when I was recovering but my therapist helped me to put ME first ,not study,or marks or reading or even any one around me..ONLY ME means my wellbeing,rest ,sleep ,nourishment etc.
    Do not listen to any ED thoughts that trying to decieve you by involving all of you in things you enjoy and so you forget your wellbeing .

    Recovered ED victim for more than 5 years No relapse

  3. In university ,all of us wants to get done with the essential duties and hear that We passed .No one wants to get highest marks even We pretend to.In university ,there is no curriculum ,so no one can finish all the studying.Look at the library books ,endless.
    I hope that you do not get trapped in trying to read and know every thing.
    I hope that you try to accept the passing ,not the highest mark.I hope that you put your happiness and enjoyment in life as one ,if not top priority.
    Marina I struggled before with dysthymia and this basically I was sadden when I did not fullfill what targets I put on my shoulders and I was forgetting my own happiness till I got SSRI and psychtherapy and now balance is the key number one in my life.
    My best friend passed on me your blog and I am my self learning from it.
    I do not want you to overwhelm your self with the endless school duties and ignore your self.

    Social science student

  4. I am back to my school and doing well after the recovery from my deep depression and I am studying and also married too(tradition Iraqi better married at a younger age,family arranged)
    I am struggling with balance between my body needs and my wellbeing and between my obligation to school and my house work(also traditionally Iraqi wife expected to do all house work).
    My doctor to whom I am grateful for my recovery and my therapist helped me to feel better when My wellbeing first and what time is left is for school,house and husband.
    I lear a lot from you Marina

    I consider my self lucky to come across your blog

    My regards

  5. Another benifit of complete recovery is putting your health and wellbeing first and not getting trapped in ED thoughts that is making use of what worked before as pushing you to study over and over and over so you get busy and forget your self.
    I am admiring and bragging your determination and being role model to others


  6. God Day Marina
    I pray for you that God may be with you to care for your holy body in which the spirit of God is alive in .
    I hope that God help you to care first for your body and when you are comfortable to do some of the work.Remember that God always bless the little work We do and so can be more than enough.
    My message today was abouit blessing.
    May God bless all the steps you are taking..

    Sunday Priest

  7. You know My colleague that our Nursing Association put too much emphasis on out health and well being and recommend that it is our responsbility to take care of our health and feelings and seek medical advise if necessary .
    Before we have to start our work ,looking after our patients or review our notes or studing ,We take care of ourself first.We need to make sure We are well rested,slept well ,had our meals ,feeling o k and then start our duties.We can not help our clients if we are ourselves not well> I am reading your blog and very amazed how you are at this young age have the strength and determination and knowledge that I read about in your blog and comments from others
    Take care and you first..

    Nursing student


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