Tuesday, 4 September 2012

The Rain

Today was really rainy where I live. I woke up to cloudy weather, which soon evolved into heavy downpours. I looked out the window and saw that there was not even a hint of sunlight. And it made me feel really tied and sad.

I don't suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD - which is when you feel clinically depressed during certain seasons), but the weather has a huge impact on my mood. I mean, imagine a very sunny day - the light shining into your room and making you feel warm and awake. Now picture a day like today - rainy, cloudy, and wet. Is it any wonder why rainy days are boring?!

ED takes advantage of the fact that the rain makes me sad and gloomy. He tells me that it is going to be a bad day, filled with lots of terrible things. And to ED, having a bad day is the perfect excuse to restrict.

It's rainy. There is no sun, no happiness outside. You should not eat. In fact, since you can't do much because of the rain, you should just mope the entire day and starve. Remember how good it feels when you are empty? Today is your chance!

So I have to take deep breath, sum up my strength, and ignore ED.

Well, ED, you are right - it is raining outside. And there isn't much I can because of the weather. But what I CAN do is shut you out. So what if it is rainy? I still need to eat, regardless of the weather! And I now know your tricks. You are trying to find any reason to bring me down so that I can become your slave again and starve myself to death. You, ED, are so immature. You didn't kill me once, and you are so angry that you are trying to find another way to take my life. You want me dead. Now I am smarter. Now I am stronger. I will no longer succumb to your deceptive lies and words. It IS raining outside - that I cannot change. But what I CAN change is how I feel. I refuse to feel sad and let you tell me not to eat and to feel depressed.

In fact, the rain is a blessing from God to water the grass and plants. Rain is a heavenly gift. So, whenever it rains, I'll take the time to thank God for showing His love and care for the Earth.

Take that, ED!

5 comments:

  1. Bravo Marina
    See now you see the positive of every thing ,even from things you used to see as negatives as rainny day.Bravo Marina for shutting Ed out .Bravo Marina for feeling stronger and smarter than ED.Bravo Marina for putting ED down and now he is your slave begging you to restrict and trying to use any thing worked with you in the past but in vain.
    New Era has started and new HOPE is looming on your sky and you are now QUEEN and ED is a slave.
    See the benifts of Complete recovery.

    Keep up my dear

    Mary

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  2. Yes Marina ,I am now training myself not to listen to any ED voices and keep eating my meals and using distraction tools that you told me about previously in your blog.
    Every blog I read I believe more and more in recovery.
    Thanks Marina

    Anne

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  3. Good Day my second daughter.
    I am happy to hear that you turning any negatives into postives and changing the scars into stars that lighten your way and also others"s way.

    I am very thankful

    You deserve all the honour and respect. I will never forget that you helped me to save my daughter before too late.

    A Thankful mother

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  4. Marina
    You are now showing us ina practical way how we can use CBT model when you challenge aany negative thoughts with the evidence or lack of and this can help in endorsing the postive and ultimately making the right decisons and feeling good.
    I hope people can learn to do the same in every day challenge

    With my humble respect
    Mohammed
    Psychology student
    Kingston,On

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  5. Marina I am glad you mention that as this is showing me that you are really making a complete change to complete recovery.
    That exactly what happended to me .At certain point in my recovery ,I found my self doing things that I necver thought of doing and to my surprise <I am now doing all the good stuff that I learnt in my recovery.
    I wish you all the best.

    Recovered ED victim

    ReplyDelete

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