Wednesday, 5 September 2012

'The Small Stuff'

I've noticed that I have a slight tendancy to fret over what might not seem like a big deal to others. For example, before school has begun, I'm already scared that I won't be getting high marks or good grades. I'm becoming conscience of the weight gain and  so I am feeling frightened that it will show to others. I get worried if I arrive five minutes to class because I might have missed something important. I watch the weather with digilence because I want to make sure that I will get to school on time for my classes.

I was reading a few pages from a book a while ago. It is called "Don't sweat the small stuff...and it's all small stuff", by Richard Carlson. I urge you to pick this book up and read it - even if it is just a few pages. Basically, the author talks about how we often worry about things in life when really, it is not that big of a deal. Richard Carlson is really skilled in that he picks relevant topics and explains how in the grand scheme of things, we are making our lives MORE complicated by 'sweating the small stuff'.

As I recover, I am beginning to see that not everything in under my control. And that is really hard to grasp. When I was sick, I could control my hunger pains and ignore them, and I was able to control my weight. It stayed where ED wanted it to - always a low number. However, as I am recovering, I am no longer able to keep the number down. It is like someone has pulled that piece of control away from me. And I hate it.

To others, a pound up or a pound down on the scale is 'small stuff'. To ED, it is BIG STUFF. Gaining one pound is literally a stab in the heart to ED. And he makes me know just how much he hates it.

You GAINED?! NO! You are going the wrong way - you need to be going DOWN. Remember how great it felt when you were losing weight? Now you are not doing this anymore. Soon you will be fat. And then you will lose control over everything else in your life - you will get low grades, lose your friends, become ugly...

See how ED works? It is not just about the weight - he deceptively maniuplates his victims into thinking that if they gain weight, they lose control over their entire lives. Everytime I gain a pound, ED tells me that this also means that I will lose control over how much I study, so I will get low marks. He tells me that I will lose control over how much I socialize, so I will lose my friends.

The best strategy to getting back at ED is doing just what the book says - not sweating the small stuff. YES, I may be gaining now. And NO, I don't especially enjoy it. But soon enough when I am at a healthy weight, it will be over. Then I can maintain. And my weight is irrelevant to my marks and friends. Weight is not something that humans are meant to control - that is what our genes and body do (of  course, if you are underweight then you control it to make it go up; if you are clinically obese then you control it to get to a healthier state).

Today, I'm going to choose NOT to sweat the small stuff. Each day, I have committed myself to letting things go, to not being worried about every tiny detail in life. Because really, I only have one chance to live. And I refuse to let ED control that life by making me sweat the small stuff.

14 comments:

  1. You will never lose your friends Marina. They love you for the amazing person you are and not the number that shows on the scale. Stay strong and we wish you all the best in continuing your journey in successfully overcoming ED.

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    1. Thank you so much. It is reassuring and comforting to read that. I am so blessed to have readers like you...may God bless you!

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  2. Every day I read your blog ,I try to go quickly to the last paragraph where you tell us how to solve the problem.
    What a wonderful commitment you are making .To ignore the tiny tiny things will crush ED because all what he works on is tiny tiny but he make it a big deal .
    To commit to this Marina ,you are saving a lot of your previous time.
    Keep up Marina
    You are winning
    We love you and learn from you.
    I remember in my deep depression I was botherd by little things that get to my nerves and making me more sad and isolated
    What a freedom to recover

    I admire all your knowledge and skills
    L Y
    ECG

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    1. Aw, thanks! I am so happy that you read the blog! You are right - this will save my time and energy, and will help me to feel happy and free. I am happy that you are free of your deep depression ad are feeling that freedom. God bless you - and keep up the great work!

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  3. I suffered from this also but believe me most of gone the moment I felt well and recoevered from ED.Yes Marina ,to recover completly ,you need to recover from these little issues associated with ED .I am following you while you are addressing all of them and giving hints about how to overcome those stuff.
    You know something tiny like this may not be addressed by program providers but ED victims can bring this to their therapist and get help.
    I see youas a self and others therapist .
    Keep going


    Recovered ED victim

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    1. Again, reading your experiences makes me hopeful and it is a great reminder that I am not alone. Thank you for your kind comments and support. It is so appreciated!

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  4. Another benifit of complete recovery is go to the point and get to the bottom line.
    You know those little strings that is attached to the main core is the real hinderence .Please get rid of this completely.
    Now ED is very angry ,please continue to crush him.I see ED gasping.

    Mary

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    1. You are right - again! ED is getting angrier each day, but that is a good sign. And getting to the real issue is always important...cutting ED out one step at a time!

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  5. Marina
    Any body in your talent,skill and commitemnt should not worry at all about school.
    I am sure you will do very well and you will exceed many othres.Keep up that commitment to crush ED.
    I can tell you the knowledge that you have now much more than me and I am almost graduating!!

    I love and adore you my young lady
    Henry

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    1. I am sure you have many skills, Henry! Thank you again for your kind comments and reassurances. I am very blessed to have your support.

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  6. Marina
    I did not know that this is one of ED symtoms
    You are right ,my daughter is very obsessive about details of things and get annoyed very easily.
    I think I need to help her to avoid this but I do not know how to bring this to her attention and get her to commit to ignore this .Any hints Marina or only happens if she is willing to admit and commit
    How about if says I do not havea problem ??
    Thank you so much my COACH


    A Thankful Mother

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    1. Thankful Mother, I wish this had an easy answer. But it does not. What I would suggest is try relaxing your daughter about the 'small stuff' - don't negate what she is feeling, but help her see that it IS small stuff and is unworthy of her precious time and effort. She will deny it - she is sick and ED is making her do it. It is not her fault - she is a victim of a dictator. I do not know if it would be helpful for her to understand just what ED can do to her - take away everything good in her life. Let her know that you love her and are prepared to fight this monster to the end. And don't give up on her. Your poor daughter is struggling for her life.

      My prayer are with you. You are an excellent mother.

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  7. This is sort of something i want to work on for this year. I don’t want to worry about the grades so much. I don’t have anything to show for making dean’s list once so what’s the point. I get tied down worrying about grades

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  8. I agree with all your blog and all comments and your rebuttal.I will not worry about my grades ,marks ,what others say about me infront of my face or behind my back.
    The only thing I will make sure is happening is my feeling healthy and well rested.
    That what I learnt after my recovery from crack use.
    Now I am back to my school.
    One of my friends told me about your blog and I am reading it daily as I feel some of symptoms and feelings of ED similar to addiction to crack.It is the control or lack of it in our life that is a risk when we are sick.
    I admire and respect your strong will and detrmination.I have a sense that you have strong personlity and if you felt before low self esteem ,it was because of the disease and not real you

    Sebastian
    Criminology student

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