Friday, 7 September 2012

This Summer

I saw so many of my peers and classmates at school today. It was great to be back at school. Everyone was waving to others, smiling around, and talking about their summer vacations. And then it hit me: I really had nothing to talk about in terms of my summer.

Everyone - or most people - who know me know that I was ill with ED last summer. So imagine the awkward moment when I've asked them about their summer, and they respond with a huge statement of how it was awesome, how they did so much, etc. And then - as if on cue - they ask, 'and what about you?!'

And just as I am about to open my mouth to remind them of what I did this summer, they say, 'oh. right. I'm sorry. But I'm glad you are better!'. And then I smile and say 'thank you', they smile, and the conversation is over.

AWKWARD. I mean, it is really nice of them to be glad that I am better...but I can just see it in their eyes. Or at least, ED doesn.

They must be thinking that you had such a lousy summer. They are staring at you now, realizing how big your body has become since they last saw you. Even as you walk away, they are shocked about how much weight you have gained. You look so different to them - in a bad way.

Truthfully, I honestly DO feel that I did not have such a great summer. I mean, I was in the hospital - mostly the ICU - for most of it. I did not get to go out and meet friends, visit crazy amusement parks, or even tan in the Sun. Instead, I was hooked to IV machines, dialysis, an NG tube, and a breathing tube. I was poked in my arms everyday for bloodwork. I was on so many medications.

This really bothers me. How would you feel if you felt that summer - the break that you get after you've worked so hard in school or work - just 'passed by'? It feels rotten.

But after a while of thinking about it, I realized that although I did not do much 'fun' things this summer, I did the most important thing of all - I saved my life. I fought for my breath, for my organs, and for myself. I got closer to my God as I learned that my life was in His hands. I saw how wonderful my family and friends were as they visited me and helped me with my needs. I felt the love of everyone around me. And most of all, I emerged out of the experience alive, well and healthy.

How's that for a great and effective summer? It was not your typical summer, I'll give you that. But it was probably the most important summer of my life - one that I will truly NEVER forget. A memorable one, at the least.

So the next time ED tries to make me feel terrible about my summer, I'll remember that although I did not get to do everything that I wanted to do during my break, I got a second chance at life. Because God intervened and safed my life, I will have another summer vacation - and then I can do anything that I want to do.

Summer 2012 was definitely a summer that will never be erased from my memory. And for the better. Because that is the summer that I realized how great my God is, how loving my friends and family are, and how strong I can be.

8 comments:

  1. Marina ,I was a real witness of your hospital stay and I watched you struggling serious health condition with strong determination to fight the disease .You were very patient.You never say no to pain ,poking,shouting ,yelling at nurses as other people do .You tolerated all the painful needles,tubes insersion with patience .You smiled to people and thanked them.You were so kind to me every morning when I come to you asking for your permison to uncover your body and take ECG.I have been taking ECG for 3 years now and numbers of ECG i took is countless but I never ever forget you ever.You Marina left great impression to most people around you.You showed others no matter how much disease can take from your health and can weaken you physical body and fail your organs and systems but will never ever weaken your;;;beauty,morality ,kindness ,attidue ,determination and strenghtYou showed these qualities and much more to me personally ,staff at hospital,your family and friends.
    Marina My self among many others will not forget the great impression you left in them.You gave many people a lessen ,on how to fight till you win and be calm and patient.

    It is not surprising that my heart and my mind love ,admire and respect you.
    I have no dout that u will have good shcool your.

    L Y

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  2. I feel that you are the real winner this summer 2012 .You won your life,and this worth billions.You won the admiration and respect of many people that you do not know and may be you will never see.
    You hon on on your nursing skills and came up with blog to help others in misery.I can see how much your experience touched people with many health conditions and not only victims of ED.
    Marina honstly I rate this summer for you as a turning point.You will gain the fruits one at a time .With your complete recovery ,you are now embarking on actions to enjoy the life in good health .You helped me protect my daughter and I rate this at the most important achieviement you and I made this summer.This to me worth billions.
    Your friends spent that summer may be on the beach ,bars ,study course ,so what this worth... very little relative to your holy strugle and noticible achievement

    I am very grateful to you.I do not know how to reward you.

    A Thankful mother

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  3. I am gratful to you Marina .I have been struggling myself with ED for many years rejecting help and denying my illness and I have been living terrible sad life and suffering all kinds of abuse by ED .You helped me to make the decision to go to recovery.Next week I am going to in patient program.I am already thanks to you started making some good changes and my family watching in surprise and they do not know about your blog or what happens to make me change all of a sudden.Without your suffering in summer 2012 and your blog ,may be I would die in silence.You saved my life .How you rate this achievment relative to your friends vaction,museiums,beaches,bars etc ..
    I am also gratful to you Marina

    Anne

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  4. I have been in recovery for 5 years now.I am enjoying the best of life and I feel I am catching up with my years lost with ED.I consider my recovery as the best thing ever .It is my life and my good life .What else we care about more .
    I think Marina your 2012 summer is the most important and you won your life ,health and future.Without good health ,there will be no present or future.Your health is the back bone to your success in future.keep up and be proud of your success.
    Very very few Ed victims can fight as you did and now you are trying and so far sucessful be a role model for victims of chronic diease to do same and achieve complete recovery to better life.
    I think you are the most admired this summer


    Recovered ED victim

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  5. This blog reminds me with the most important benifit of recovery which is :-You are back to school .Hasn't you been determind to stay the torture of recovery ,you wouldn't have been at school now.
    I can imagine the hard summer but it paid off.
    Being back to school and up and running,studying ,moving from one lecture room to next or even one hospital to next is the benift of your investemnt during summer 2012.
    Keep going
    Nothing more important to all of us than feeling healthy and well
    I admire you


    Mary

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  6. Come on Marina !!
    Spending summer 2012 in your recovery is worth it.From that recovery ,now you are embarking on your goals.If you allow me to mention a few .One is taking on your self responsiblity to help others with similar problems in recording your persoal story in this blog( what a courageous youg woman). and then building your future.What a mission in your life.
    You deserve the big honour


    With my humble resepct,
    I am always yours sincerly


    Mohammed

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  7. Hey my love.
    To me your recovery worth the whole world.You do not know how good you are .What is more important in life than looking after our self and our health.
    To me my dear complete recovery in the top priority.I urge you Marina do not let busy work and duties and the demands that all the profs put on you take you away from top priority which is your health and wellbeing.

    I will keep you in my heart and mind and hope one day I see you face to face .
    Have a good WE my love

    Henry

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  8. Just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who commented here and showed their support. I am so blessed to have all of you and i don't what I would do without you all! God bless you!

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