Food is Medicine

I cannot even begin to say how often I have heard this phrase in my week at treatment. The doctors and nurses constantly tell me to remember that even when I’m full, I still have to keep eating. To treat food as my medicine that I must take in order to get better.

But, I wonder if they’ve ever thought about what they are telling me to do. They are basically trying to get me to think of food like a pill that helps cure an illness. Which, in some ways, I suppose is true. I’m underweight and my body is probably a lot weaker than it should be. So, it makes sense that eating food would make me stronger. It’s like when you have a headache – you take an Advil, expecting that it will cure the terrible pain.

What makes this difficult for me is the fact that I’m scared of eating. So, I’m terrified of the ‘medicine’ that I am supposed to take. This is what makes it different than your typical medicine – no one is scared that taking an Advil is going to do something so terrible to them. What makes it worse is that food is present everywhere in our society and lives. So, how am I supposed to treat something as normal as food to be like medicine? It feels so weird. After all, you can choose not to take that Advil for your headache. Sure, you might take longer to recover, but it’s still possible. I, however, cannot choose to simply not eat because I don’t want my medicine. The truth of the matter is that I have no choice – we all have to eat to live.

So, I guess it’s easy to see why viewing food as medicine is so hard. If you don’t have ED, you might be reading this and thinking, ‘why not? If I were told to eat a lot, I’d LOVE it!’. Well, ED does lots of things to my brain to convince me that I DO NOT enjoy eating. That I cannot possibly gain weight because then I’ll look too big, clothes won’t fit, people will tease me, etc. Sometimes I wish there was some magic pill that I could take to make all these thoughts and feelings disappear. But, for now, the phrase ‘food is medicine’ is all I have.

As much as I hate this sentence, it really is what pushes me a lot of the times to finish my meals. I’m always sitting at the table, inwardly crying because I’m full and frightened of the weight gain that will occur. So, here is where the skill of self-talk comes in. I have to try my best to ignore ED and focus on what I’m trying to achieve. I’m eating right now because I need to get better. I may hate it (and I do!), but right now, this is what I need. ED sure hates this. And when I get weighed on Monday, he is going to be super angry to see that I have gained weight. But, I’m putting my faith in the program and hoping that with time, these thoughts and feelings will go away. That ED will become a thing of my past and never in my future.

And who knows? Maybe someday, I won’t have to treat food as medicine. Maybe I’ll actually enjoy it.

Popular posts from this blog

The 'Comfort Zone'

Image
  No one likes to be challenged out of their 'comfort zone'. You know - the place where you know you will succeed. Please note that I am not talking about real safety. There is a HUGE difference between challenging yourself to do something you are worried you will fail at, and putting yourself at risk of harm. I am not a 'risk-taker' by any means. I hate roller-coasters. I despise scary movies. I don't speed through yellow lights hoping to pass through. At the same time, I'm not superstitious. I will take some risks if I think that they are reasonable. I will apply for positions that I am not sure I will get. I will try drawing something that I have never tried before. I will (cautiously!) try new yoga positions to test my balance. At the same time, I very much dislike getting out of my comfort zone in certain situations. For example, I applied to a position a while ago, feeling nervous that I would not get it. I mean, how awful would it be if I did NOT get it? ...
Read more

Happy Mothers' Day!

Today is Mothers' Day! Happy Mothers' Day to all the moms, sisters, aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc all over the world! You deserve to be recognized everyday for your work, but today is a special day just for us to tell you how amazing and wonderful you all are! This day is certainly important for me, because my mom is my best friend. She is everything to me. I want her to know how much she means to me - and how much I appreciate her. Mom, this is for you! Last year on Mother's Day, I was dying in the ICU and could not breathe. I didn't even have enough breath to tell my mom, 'happy mothers' day'. And she didn't protest or complain. She stayed by my side and prayed, looking into my dull and tired eyes. She told me, 'don't worry, Marina. You will be okay. All I want for Mother's Day is for you to be alive and to come out of this healthy and well. That is the best and only gift I want'. I cried because I couldn't give her a proper ...
Read more

Published again! - and birthday celebrations

Image
I am blessed to say that once again, my writing has been featured on Fr. Anthony's site. This time, my post is about suffering and pain, and how to communicate with God during these times : http://franthony.com/how-long-o-lord/ I will be honest with you, I find that when I get overwhelmed by the troubles in this world, it becomes difficult to do anything. And sometimes, the hardest thing to do during tribulations is to pray. We all have times when we don't feel like talking to God - and this is harder when we feel angry or fearful that God has forgotten about us. Here is a little secret: God can never forget about us . He loves us unconditionally. And He has His eyes on you all the time, His hands around you to protect you, and His ears ready to listen. I know that sometimes it is hard to pray and communicate with God when we are facing obstacles because we don't understand why things are happening as in our lives. But know this: 'all things work together  for the g...
Read more