Thursday, 29 November 2012

Expectations

What kind of expectations do you have fit yourself? Do you want to become a successful business person, a famous star, a determined scientist, a stern teacher, or a devoted professional? Do you want to make a lot of money and live luxuriously?

We all have expectations for our futures. Some of which we set, others are made by others. Perhaps your parents have set out your life for you. Or maybe you want to be successful so that you'll live comfortably. Either way, there are certain things that you hope to achieve in the future, and these criteria are based on notions of success, money, jobs, etc.

But have you taken the time to think - really think - about these expectations? Are they realistic? Have you set high expectations that are too difficult to achieve? I think sometimes we need to keep in mind what's really important - mainly, that we live to enjoy a happy and successful life.

I used to have many high expectations for myself - and I still do. I want to get As on everything. I want to learn everything there is to learn about nursing. I want to succeed. But now that I've been through so much, I realize that maybe this is asking too much. I've been to death's door and back in the summer...and during then, all I wanted was to get out of the hospital and live. At that time, nothing else mattered. My family tells me that they prayed only for me to live - they wanted nothing else. No school, no money, nothing. They just prayed for my life.

So I see that I'm expecting too much. Maybe I need to learn to lower what I ask if myself. No one is perfect. And pushing myself to achieve so much is tough. But it's something I'm used to it - I've always been an over-achiever. But I think it's time to try to lower what I expect of myself. ED made me expect thinness - and anything less was not acceptable. I was a failure if I didn't lose weight. I was a loser if I wasn't thin. So now in recovery, I feel like a BIG loser - well, that's what ED tells me.

I suppose it's a matter of reframing my life. I'm just blessed to be alive! So today I'm thanking God to be alive, in recovery, and at school. I'm thankful for living at home with my wonderful family. I'm thankful to be doing well in school.

So perhaps I'm NOT the thinnest anymore. Perhaps I'm not still losing weight. But that doesn't mean that I haven't been successful. I'm changing my expectations and making them more realistic. For now, I'm hoping to pass this year, continue in recovery, and cherish every single moment. It'll take time to adjust to these nice ideas, but it has to happen. Because sometimes, we put too much pressure on ourselves and expect too much. It's time to appreciate our lives and realize that we are blessed to be where we are today.

12 comments:

  1. yOUR WISH AND HOPE IN YOUR LAST PARAGRAPH IS THE BEST WISHES FOR YOU IN THE NEW YEAR
    YOU HAVE CHANGED IN YOUR ATTITUDE (READ YOU NEDIC BLOG) IN BEHAVIOURS .YOU ARE MAKING THE BEST CHOICES AND WISE RATIONAL DECISONS.YOU ARE DEAFEATING ED AND WINNING
    YOU ARE DOING GREAT JOB

    BE EASY ON YOUR SELF
    ONE STEP ATA TIME
    ONE ISSUE AT ATIME
    HEALTH AND HAPPINESS IN TOP

    SALLY

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  2. I am 75 grand grand father and all what I wish for all of them is feeling happy and healthy.Nothing else matter to me jobs,money,house .
    This does not mean I ask them to not to work,study or try but I always taeach them up till now to take care of themselves first and other things can wait.
    I hope you do the same Marina
    Your feeling well and rested to be on top and the rest can wait.
    You can try do one thing at a time and be happy with achieving 60% of what on your list.

    Have a good week end


    Sam Ibrahim
    Burnhamthorpe,Mississauga

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was like you aiming higher but when I got sick ,exhausted and down,my therapist taught me to set reasonable realistic achievable goals and to be pleased with little achievement.
    You know little by little We can make a difference and this in comparison with status quo

    ReplyDelete
  4. What I see is you are heading towards comlpete recovery from ED .I believ this will lead you to catch up with what you have lost from the last 6 years .Iwould suggest to set up a goal with every single symtoms ED used to bombard you with and you keep these goal top priority.
    While you working on those goals I suggest you lower your expectaions of any thing else as schools,duties ,parents ,frineds so that you can focus on your self.

    Examples
    If Ed tells you restrict so your goal is a plan is tips how not to restrict.
    If Ed tells you you achieved nothing ,,your goals would be writing down all your achienevment including defeating ED
    And so on


    K w
    Therapist ,Toronto

    ReplyDelete
  5. I hope that only expectaion that you focus on is going to complete recovery
    Other issues ,school ,marks ,people etc ,take back seat.
    My mom always tell me ,other issues shelf them(means stack them on the shelf for later0

    Recovered ED victim

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  6. Why is the rush
    I take it very easy

    Hend

    ReplyDelete
  7. Benifits of complete recoevry is putting your health and well being first and then come what may

    Mary

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  8. Shool,homework,friends errands all can wait but your health can not .
    If you lose part of your health ,you need to work very very hard to regain it back.
    Being not well of course affect you performeance.
    Being well and rested take you shorter time to achieve what you would like .

    Jack

    ReplyDelete
  9. I consider you recoevry is the best achievemnt that nothing else is matter.You do not how much recovery worth to sick individual.
    You articularly said when I was ill ,my best hope was get out of hospital and able to live again.
    So being a live awell and healthy and happy is the best wishes for all of us and should be on the top.
    I am not worried about finishing my school,get a job ,make money ,getting married etc as I am sure I can achieve all this ,one at a time
    My self ,my number one daily check is my health.
    You Marina is more smarter than me and I think you agree with me
    I always agree and impressed with your talents,intelligence and rational educated thoughts

    With my humble respect
    Mohammed

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  10. Marina always endorse healthy life and she is by no means thinpro.I am not sure if the annoymous person tribute to Marina is known to Marina personally or not.
    Marina has taken on with her altruism to give her personal experience to others and to endorse health and balanced body and she is fighting any thing that promote ED thoughts .

    Mays

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  11. Hi Marina
    I am Anne again.
    I am following your blog and your NEDIC too and I am happy to see your name on the NEDIC and I am pleased you are aknowledged as articulate writer.
    I learnt to lower my expectaion of my self and give up perfectionism and only thing that has becoming top priority is my recovery.
    Keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I know you are strong believer .

    Anne

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  12. Hi My dear
    I am happy to read your blog that is helping me manage my daughter stuborn behaviours and expectaions of her slef and of me too.She is putting too much pressure on me and very demanding too .She is better in her eating habits and self image and clothes choices .
    I hope she can lower her expectaions of self and of me and feels happy and pleased with what she has.
    I do not have twitter or facbook and I will not as I saw how much this was hurting my daughter when chatting with others who gave her wrong advise ,drag her to the mud and some negative comments that was hurtful

    ReplyDelete

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