Tuesday, 6 November 2012

I crave sleep!

This has been frustrating me for a while now. I just can't seem to get a goo sleep. I'll fall asleep fine, but then I'll wake up three hours later and it becomes so hard to sleep again. I have terrible nightmares.

I'm annoyed because I wake up the next morning and feel so tired. I don't get proper, relaxing nights. Most of the time, my dreams are related to my struggles back when I was sick. Sometimes they are concerned with my family. Other times, I can't even remember what they are about.

It really makes me angry because then I feel so tired in the morning. I've come to dread my bed and nighttime because I have a feeling that I won't sleep well. And I need my sleep! Sleep is important for everyone - it's when our bodies relax and get to regulate our hormones, chemicals, etc. But for anyone recovering from an illness (ED, physical injury, surgery, etc) sleep is especially important because it is when the body has a chance to rest from all the recovery work that it does all day.

So you can understand why this bothers me. All day, I struggle to push myself to eat, ignore ED, do my homework, deal with people, stay calm, etc. That's hard work! So I feel awful when I realize that I've had a terrible sleep...it just adds to the tiredness!

I presently have no solution - but I'm trying everything I can. Relaxing before I sleep. Praying. No lights. Massages. Aroma therapy. Medicine. Deep breathing. Cold drinks. Warm covers. Teddy bears. I'm desperate for a solution!

It could be that ED is angry so he is trying to sneak up in my dreams. The trouble is that the dreams are really scary - and they feel real. I wish they'd just stop - when will I get over all the pain ED has caused? It will take time. I know that. I guess like everything else in recovery, this too shall pass. But I wish it would be easier.

But there's hope. I always have hope. Look how far I've come! I know it'll get better. One day, I won't have dreams or terrible memories how what ED did to me. I'll look back on this and see that I came out a stronger, brighter girl. Soon. Really soon. Because I've got a great family, a powerful God, a faithful heart, and a determined will.


  1. May the blessing of God soon be with you during day and night time .
    May god bless you with peaciful sleep.
    God has heled you to defeat ED and to come out of this ordeal and now you are really stronger,healthier and exmplary to many sufferers .
    You are sending a message of hope and showing others how determination and persevrence blessed with God providence can make miracles.
    I pray for you so that God may grant you a comfortable sleep

    Sunday Priest

  2. Hi Marina
    Do not worry about this ,all will go.
    It is part of consequence of the trauma that Ed casued to us.
    I had suffered from this quiet a bit but now I am completely free of ED and all his cosequences including poor sleep and bad dreams.
    I tried several medication .I recall I used konakion and was helpful.
    I think talk to your doctor to see if some medications can help.

    I agree with your statement you are now stronger and free from ED slavery even when you have poor sleep because this will go away soon.Your determination and taking your own responsibility to recover while going to school ,an achievemnt that ED never and will never see.I am for one it took me years to recover and my life stopped for at least 5 years .I am trying to catch up and I will make up for my 5 years lost with ED

    Keep and never give up

    Recovered ED victim

  3. I am a therapist and I use EMDR with good results .
    My advise is get EMDR with your therapst
    I also like you to keep positive and keep any worry behind your back and if any thought that you do not like come close to your mind ,use grounding technique.
    I am happy to send you info about grounding techniques and EMDR.


  4. My lovely marina my dear beautiful girl
    I am sorry to hear you are not enjoying your sleep and you still have to wake up early and go school and function.
    I am not sure how you are able to do all this despite lack of good quality sleep.
    I think your determination is blessing all your steps and so you are able to do so much and I bet none of people I know would have done 1% from your achievement.

    Please be proud for who you are .
    Let me share with you my personal experience dealing with my hiostory of poor sleep after my disappointment with any girl friend I dated.
    I had this problem of sleep and bad dreams and I thought professional help and I was told antidepressant would help but may take long time .I started smoking Maryuana and it did help me calm and relax and sleep with no nightmares and so my doctor gave me nabilone and I have been using it up till now .You can talk to your doctor about nabilone

    With my love and good wishes

  5. I did my rotation in neurology and was full of info but most difficult one was sleep disorders.
    I did some review of lit. and i noted 5-8 % suffers from nightmares and poor sleep.
    I think you have poor sleep because your brain is on high alert and hyperactive most of the time thnking about many and worrying about a lot.
    My summary of treatment is what ever you do to calm your worry and vent out frustration and credit yourself for doing a lot of good stuff and lower your expectaions of your self .All of this may calm your brain at sleep.

    Literature support CBT,DBT,EMDR and few support Nabilone .
    My self I drink my herbal rea at night and this along with glass of milk help me sleep.

    My best wishes

  6. You know my dear
    I smoke 2 cigarette of Maryuana and then sleep like a a baby
    I adore you soo much ,much more than Henry and I am Canadian


  7. I smoke hashish and it does work

  8. I rather use Medical maryuana as pill than smoking

  9. I am so sorry to hear that you are not having good quality sleep.I noted my daughter has same problem too but she does not have to wake up early morning as you and so she stays in bed late.I think she is much better than before and I tell you she is following your blog and I confirmed this from tracking her history but I am not sure if she makes any comment.

    I will pray for you to have a comfortable sleep.I hope that you give prioority to your rest ,relaxation,fun and please do not think about study,homeworks,duties and assignment too much as I think this can affect your sleep.
    You are an example of good people in life that you relate to even if you never meet them

    My prayers,thanks and wishes to you my dear

    A Thankful Mother

  10. Lots of my friends use maryuana but I think seeing a therapist that can help with relaxation and stop worrying is the key to have good sleep


  11. I had the same problem and for some reason,once I recovered all gone .I am not sure what helped ,could be my antidepressant or just recovered from depression, and enjoying a relaxing life make you enjoy every thing in your day including sleep.
    I am hopeful soon you will enjoy sleep and all aspects of your fruitful life
    My prayers and good wishes


  12. What I like about your blog is when I go to last paragraph and read your tip on how to deal with issue and to PROBLEM SOLVE.
    You are adept at problem soving ideas.
    I hope that you figure out a way that make your day less stressful.ZERO worry would be ideal and this can make you sleep like a baby


  13. My Maryuana relaxes me and also making me sleep like a baby


  14. I use clonazepam at samll dose for my age and this is working for me .It makes me little dizzy when I go to wash room at night but I wake up after good restful sleep
    I pray for you and I admire me a lot

    Sam Ibrahim

  15. I love you HOPEFUL attitude.
    It gives me a lot of hope.
    See despite your struggle,you look for a better tomorrow.
    Yes a better tomorrow is waiting for you after you are free from the slavery of ED
    My sister struggled for years and now free like you .
    Trust me our family now is the happiest for her.
    I wish I know you personally


  16. My therapist taught me "Sleep hygiene "
    Basically set up time for waking up and for going to bed
    Relax muscle
    Free brain from any thoughts "grounding" to keep observing details of the room around you
    I find the best thing to fall asleep is free your thoughts of any worry


  17. Hi my dear
    I still remeber my mom tips (L you can not sleep if your are hungry or afraid of sometiming)
    So before I go to bed ,I make sure I am not hungry or worried and fearful of any thing.
    As you know after my experience with my depression and felt the joy of recovery,I will never push my self at school or work.Only my wellbing
    My advise (sorry to advise you as you are a teacher to many of your reader and you are very knowledgeable)to you is do not worry about any thing ,no matter how imprtant.
    If you remove the worry from your inside ,you will sleep like a baby

    Now working in Toronto

  18. I am sorry Marina that you are not having good quality sleep.
    I agree with you and with some of your reader that the worry take away the enjoyment of good quality sleep.
    To stop worrying easy said than done but doable if you put your mind into it.I thing you can practice CBT or EMDR by your self
    You can look at this Australian website and see how you can self soothe and treat
    "Mood gym"
    If you type in google mood gym ,you will be able and I am sure after practicing CBT ,you will stop worrying and enjoy sleep.
    As ususal you by end of your blog,give a message of hope to yourself and others.
    You clearly said tomorow will be better and sun will rise and shine and shed the beautiful light removing any effect of a gloomy dark night

    With my humble respect


  19. I love the message of hope and optimism in your blog.
    God bless you.
    You are so kind person.

    Patrick Stephenson

  20. Don’t you think you kind of took on a lot so soon after being diagnosed and going into treatment ? You were acutely ill in the summer and almost lost your life. Don’t you think September was a bit soon to go back to school full time ?

    Your health should always come 1st before your schooling.

    1. she is taking care of her health. in my opinion, she is a hero. she is doing school and recovery. lots people cannot do that

  21. Honestly, I think you should go to a sleep clinic. I had similar symptoms for a while, and when I finally went to a sleep clinic, I was diagnosed with sleep apnea. Give it a try. Its free with OHIP and can tell you exactly what you need.
    Keep up the good work :)


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