Wednesday, 17 October 2012

The Credit That I Deserve

Have you ever stopped to take a break and realize just how busy and hectic life can be? There seems to be so much going on at one time: there's school, homework, work, friends, family, events...the list goes on.

I find myself waking up in the morning and feeling like there is simply too much that I have to do. I have to get up, get dressed, get to school, attend my classes, study for my tests, finish my assignments, stay in touch with my friends, see how my family is doing...WOW! I'm so overwhelmed.

What am I forgetting? Oh, yes. To eat and take care of my health. It is not that I forget this per say...it's more like, 'wow. I'm so busy that I can hardly realize that I need to take time to eat'.

And I never forget to eat, because I make sure that I have my eye on the clock - all the time. This may sound absurd, but it is the way I keep myself safe. It is how I remember to take care of ME while the rest of my life is demanding so much.

Life is so hard to juggle. Everyone struggles, once in a while, to finish all that they have to do. So it becomes so easy to remember that we actually need time for ourselves. To feel that we deserve a little 'free time'. But life makes it so difficult to get this time.

ED makes it especially hard to give myself the credit and time that I deserve. He tells me that I don't need to take time 'off' for myself. He constantly pushes me to work and to not give myself the credit for all my work. He downplays all my efforts at success and makes me feel that I am not doing anything worthy of praise or satisfaction.

So what? You are eating and doing your work? That is nothing. You are doing nothing special. There is nothing to be proud of. You are weak, you gave in and started eating. You silly girl, you have failed at everything. There is nothing worthy of praise in you.

It really hurts, to be honest. It makes me feel as though all my efforts to be successful are meaningless. As though what I am doing - recovering from an illness and continuing with the rest of my life at the same time - is not hard work. But deep down, I know that it is. I feel this every single day as I make myself eat, despite not wanting to. As I feel that I have gotten bigger and that I look different. Everyday has it's own struggles and challenges.

So, what to do? Well, it is enough that I am working so hard at my recovery and the rest of my life. I do not need ED to come in and try to bring me down. He tries to tell me that I am not successful? Well, I have proof that I am. I survived my stay at the hospital, I got back up, and I am eating again. I am defeating him everytime I put a bite of food into my mouth, everytime I ignore his irrational commands, and everytime I decide that he has no place in my life. It is much easier said than done. But it is what has to happen.

Because I have proof that I have done a good job. I have fought my way through ED and I have emerged as a stronger and healthier individual. I have realized that ED does not need to take space in my life. I have seen that I am worthy of happiness and freedom. I deserve to feel successful, just like everyone else. I deserve credit for all my work. And so do you. It does not need to be ED that tells you that you are not successful - it can be a little voice in your head, it can be friends or family, or even people at work. But you must not let them tell you that you are not worthy of credit. Because you are. Each day you open you eyes, do good, be kind, and do the work that you need to, you deserve to know that you are successful. So give yourself the credit that you deserve...you owe it to yourself!

23 comments:

  1. I am the thankful mother and I can not wait to tell you that if only you have done one thing you get honored for that one could be one of the followings to mention a few
    1-Getting your self to complete recovery
    2-Your knowlegible helful blog that shows your altruism and courage to benifit others
    3- Getting to your school at the same time while recovering and writing your blog
    4-balancing your duties and obligations
    5-Keeping positive attitude and Hope

    Any of those deserve a big credit and honour
    I applaud you
    Thank you

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  2. Your blog is very good this is also a very good pro recovery blog http://alexrecovering.tumblr.com/. Please keep up with your eating. Alex has really good recommendations about in take. If you are struggling consider a product like ensure

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  3. Hey
    I would be very proud of my self if I am able to achieve only one of the thankful mother mentioned.
    I am a" Politician to be!!" and very strict in my words as all politician but I can stop my self from giving you a lot of credit.
    I agree with others and with you ,keep your recovery as the number 1 and most important achievement that you are proud of.I think NEDIC also may want to highlight your achievement and taking on your own responsibility in completeing your receovery while going to your school and not only that but also writing this blog and not to mention your involvement in families and friends issues

    MY regrads

    Jack

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  4. You have my respect
    Brenda

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  5. You are the best
    Hesham

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  6. Marina
    I am for one have been reading and aware of how excellent you are and how unique in handling many traumatic events and stresses in your life.I also noted many of your readers applaud you and give you a lot of credibility.
    I think the most important is YOU need to give yourself the credit and honor you deserve
    I like when you said time for ME.
    Yes ,
    Please spoil yourself .Think of what can you do to please yourself and add joy to your life
    .
    I always think that if I treat myself well ,I am able to achieve .

    I admire and respect you very much and I like to hear from you that you admire and respect your self and you are looking for all wahat you can to honor yourself

    With my humble respect

    Mohammed

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  7. You deserve the best treatment and all the support.

    Hanna

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  8. I wish I have a daughter as good as you(no offence to my daughter) but I mean being a hero in handling all the tough time worth the credit.
    Please treat youself as good as can be

    Sam Ibrahim
    Burnhamthorpe ,Mississauga ,On

    ReplyDelete
  9. Majority of your readers(I guess 99%) agree you are doing excellent job and you deserve the best credit.
    Please give the credit you deserve to your self ,no body else able to give it to you unless you give it to yourself first.
    Please keep up the excellent Job

    L Y

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  10. You are doing amazing job.I hope that you beleive in your abilities and skill and believe that you are stronger than Ed no matter how much ED is fighting and trying to put you ain the hot seat
    You are the winner
    I proud that one of my Arabic friend that stronger ,detrmind and showed leadership in engaging many in your knowledible blog
    Keep up

    Mays

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  11. You deserve a lot of respect and if you may allow me a lot of love ,care and support.
    Jorge
    TO,On

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  12. Give your self what you deserve.
    You deserve the best care
    Shady

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  13. If I were you ,I would ask my family to treat me like a QUEEN

    Diana

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  14. I learned after my long history with alcoholism to make sure my health and rest and happiness is top priority.When I was alcolholic I lost every thing money ,job,wife ,friends and most important my health.
    Now I know how important to be healthy and well.Since my recovery I always keep my self first
    ME first and then work,friends .
    You also first
    I amire you and I am very compassionate with you as I see your story is similar I hit with alcohol and you trapped with ED and both tough
    Now We are recovered ,strong and well.
    Carlos

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  15. If I have to chose the best blog I will choose this one.
    I tell you my own experience handling similar challenges.I make a list of my top priority weekly and of course ME on top
    ME includes my eating ,when and what and also I consider plan A and plan B ,just in case.
    ME also include fun time and i leave it open as my feeling about what fun changes day after day but I always make sure to have fun in my life.
    I also make sure have ensure or boost in my bag ,just in case when my eating time comes I can not sit and eat so I take 2 cans of ensure(yes 2 ) as I wanted making sure that I am getting enough nutrition to meet my daily challeges.

    Marina,ED is jealous,greedy and deceptive and can make use of any stress,comments to turn things upside down and reverse your course of recovery.Awareness to his all deception and knowning from heart this he is your enemy and never wants any good in your life make it easy to ignore him and enjoy your day.
    Recovered ED victim

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  16. What I read in your blog is not less that a complete story of success even when you are struggling ,you are showing detrmination and this is success.
    I believe if You continue your recovery that lasts long without relapse you will make record of first (I think) ED victim to take on her own responsibility with little professional help for her complete recovery.
    You also will make record that you will be first one to break the heart of ED and put him to death after long struggle with you ,ED will give up ,admit failure and die.
    When I read in this blog you saying ED has no space in my life <i felt you are heading towards this.
    My dear your life (as I read) full of sucess,you may need to open your own eyes(close ED eyes) to see all your sucess and give yourself the praise ,credit and honour.

    Penny

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  17. My dear
    Your blog and comments full of many achievements that you need to feel proud of and prag about all of them.
    No body has any right to minimize any of your achievements.
    Kathy

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  18. No one (as far as I know)in your age has achieved what you have done despite all the unbelievable challenges.
    Mehta

    ReplyDelete
  19. You are doing excellent Job as long as your health is top priority
    Jasmeet

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  20. Your self well being is top.Duties come after
    Cynthia

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  21. You can count on my word.
    You showed strenght and determination and have had many achienvement that few of your peers can achieve having been through any challenge you had.
    Holland
    Oshawa,On

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love this blog and all the comments
    Sally

    ReplyDelete

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