Health is Wealth

I hate how I don't feel hungry most of the time. It makes me frustrated! It's annoying to have to 'know' when to eat by looking at the clock. I've been recovering for a while, but I still depend on the time to eat. This is probably one of the things I hate about recovery - my hunger cues are all messed up. Do I ever get hungry? I don't know! Maybe I do, but I'm not used to saying that I am...so I don't verbalize it or think about it. It's almost as if saying that I am hungry is wrong - I think this is ED. You see, ED convinced me that I was never hungry, even when my stomach hurt so much and I felt the pain there. He told me I could not possibly he hungry, because only I was special enough not to need food. He told me that getting hungry was a sign of weakness because that meant that I was not 'strong enough' to last without food. And part of this is actually a protective mechanism by the body. When normally we don't eat for a while, o...

I am once again very thrilled and blessed to say that another piece of mine has appeared on NEDIC. Please take a look at it - http://www.nedic.ca/blog/. Basically, life has been STRESSFUL! I have had so many things to do and I have not really had the 'peace of mind' that I wish I can have. It has been so crazy, dramatic, and eventful. School, family, health, recovery, friends, events - everything! I am so blessed to have this blog to write about it, NEDIC to share my experiences with others, readers who always support me, a family who loves me, and a God who watches over me. Check it out!

Ever had 'one of those days' when you just want to SCREAM? There may not be a reason - you just feel so overwhelmed and all you want to do is take a break...and maybe break something! Yesterday was like that for me. I was irritated. I was, as I would say, 'ticked off'. I wanted to scream at someone - anyone. I wanted to yell and shout. I wanted to break something. Honestly, if you saw me yesterday, I think you would be afraid! What was the reason? I honestly cannot pinpoint ONE reason. It seemed as though so many things were going wrong...I was busy, tired, I had a lot of self-esteem issues, and I was just..BLAH! But then when I talked to my mom about it, I found myself saying, "I don't know what is wrong. I have so many wonderful things in my life to be thankful for. But I just feel...icky". And that is what annoys me. I KNOW that I have so much to be happy for. I am blessed - I know that. But is it wrong to have one of those days when I just want...

It's been the only thing on the news lately: Lady Gaga has gained weight and has told the media that she once suffered from anorexia and bulimia. http://www.torontosun.com/2012/09/25/lady-gaga-battled-bulimia-and-anorexia Lady Gaga, a famous singer, struggling with ED? It is, sadly, not an unfamiliar tale. We have heard, multiple times, that celebrities are more at risk for this. Why? Because of all the pressures on them. They must look thin because they are always being watched, photographed, or talked to. They need to have the 'ideal' body - mainly, that women need to be tall, thin, beautiful, and blemish-free. Is this possible? Obviously not. But this does not mean that the media will stop telling us that it is. And so it comes as no surprise that many female celebrities are going through ED. Lady Gaga, in her statement, told the media that she struggled with eating disorders and is now learning to accept her body as it is. She encouraged all girls to do the sam...

Have you ever stopped to take a break and realize just how busy and hectic life can be? There seems to be so much going on at one time: there's school, homework, work, friends, family, events...the list goes on. I find myself waking up in the morning and feeling like there is simply too much that I have to do. I have to get up, get dressed, get to school, attend my classes, study for my tests, finish my assignments, stay in touch with my friends, see how my family is doing...WOW! I'm so overwhelmed. What am I forgetting? Oh, yes. To eat and take care of my health. It is not that I forget this per say...it's more like, 'wow. I'm so busy that I can hardly realize that I need to take time to eat'. And I never forget to eat, because I make sure that I have my eye on the clock - all the time. This may sound absurd, but it is the way I keep myself safe. It is how I remember to take care of ME while the rest of my life is demanding so much. Life is so hard to j...

Life is hard The challenge is tough Study and work It feels so rough We become so busy Caught up with things to do We feel so trapped The free hours seem so few We deal with difficult people And we are faced with long days It becomes too much and frustrating And sometimes, we can't see any of the sun's rays But just when it feels like it won't get better When it feels like you've taken it all A sense of hope fills your heart And you find strength to rise from the fall Yes, life is crazy With its turns and surprises But you have God, And His help comes in all sizes! So when you feel down As though you cannot persevere Just remember that there's always hope Because our God said, 'do not fear' (Isiah 41:10).

If you have not seen this already, I suggest you do. WARNING: this is just sad, plain wrong, and terrible. http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/blogs/beauty/nerina-orton-britain-8217-tiniest-waist-203600464.html The story, as you can see, is that a woman tried to shrink her waist by wearing a corset for nearly an entire day. Apparently, this did the trick. She shrunk her waist to a tiny size. Interestingly enough, the end of the article mentions that she had anorexia nervosa (AN). What bothers me about this is not that her waist is so small. It is the fact that she went to such an extreme to do so. She manipulated her body to get a small waist - in such an unhealthy manner. Sad, isn't it? What does this say to people today about their body size? That we have to go to such terrible ways of changing our bodies because we need to look a certain way? And what about the fact that this story made the news? It is REALLY so wonderful that she has done something like this, and that she is famous...

Yesterday I was standing behind two girls in a line-up.I heard her laughing with her friend saying that she "could NOT eat that cookie...it has too many calories!". Now, normally, this would mean nothing to anyone else. But to me, it kind of hit a soft spot. I have never counted calories...it was simply not part of my eating disorder. But it can be a problem for many other people. When I heard this girl say this...well, it got me thinking. Why count calories? It seems so mind-boggling. Imagine sitting at your desk and adding up everything that you ate in a day - it kind of seems depressing to me. Unless you are on a calorie-restricted diet, it seems to me that you would not need to count. I mean, how many people actually sit and add up their total calories?! It does not appear to be healthy, in my opinion. But hearing people say this made me feel uncomfortable. These girls were not fat, not even close! And yet she was saying that she could not eat something because it h...

What does it mean to be 'happy'? I know that this sounds like it has a simple answer...but think about. REALLY think about it. What do you feel when you are happy? What makes you KNOW that you are happy? When I really reflect on it, I think defining happiness is hard! I suppose I can say that when I am happy, I feel safe. I feel free. I feel that although hard times may soon come, right now, I am okay. Life can have good moments, and happiness is one of the best things about life. Deep into ED, I had lost any sense of feeling emotions - especially good ones. I never felt 'happy' because I was a slave to this hostile monster. ED filled my head night and day with harsh comments, reminders that I was fat and ugly, and the constant orders to inflict starvation upon myself. Don't eat. You must isolate yourself. Do not watch that movie, even if people call it funny. You do not need to laugh. You do not know HOW to laugh. You silly girl. No one likes you. You are fat...

 I know what you are thinking: mood swings are only for girls at a certain time of the month. In one way, this is true - menstruation does cause mood fluctuations. On the other hand, we ALL get mood swings - it's human. There can be many reasons why our moods can bounce around the charts. First, we are leading difficult lives. One moment you are happy because you got a good mark, and the next second you are devastated because you have an upcoming test. One moment you are distressed because you have a problem at work, and the next second your smiling because of a funny joke. Mood swings are difficult to handle. If your feeling great at first, feeling low the next second is devastating. It feels like the happiness is being swept out of your soul. And if you feel sad one minute and happy the next, it feels as though your problems have disappeared. Strange, isn't it? But what's important is how we deal with these moments. Sometimes, I just want to scream because of my uns...

I think at some point, we all feel a bit insecure. We may question why we are doing what we are, why we are on this earth, or how we will manage with all the obstacles in life. It gets so overwhelming when we have too much to do, but so little time. Sometimes, I question whether or not I'm actually 'up to' my life - can I really do it? Will I survive?! This insecurity can be really bothersome. No one wants to have doubt that they can accomplish great things. But then there are days when it feels like we are getting nowhere...and this insecure or unsure feeling aches in our hearts, threatening to take away our hope and joy. When I feel like this, I don't want to do anything. I feel like I CAN'T do anything because I'm unsure if I can actually succeed. Honestly, when I feel this insecurity, I get nothing done because I'm too busy worrying about everything in my life. What's a person to do?! Feeling insecure is so debilitating - it makes us feel power...