Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Just keep swimming!

Before I start, I want to dedicate this post to one of my special friends who I believe will beenefit from this post. Hope it helps! Stay strong!

I've mentioned this before, but it keeps coming up in my life: I have a hard time giving myself a break or taking time off. I feel so useless and lazy when I do not do my work, study, read my notes, etc. Even if I am so tired by the end of the day, I still feel as though I need to keep working. It feels BAD to do 'nothing' - as in, to take time off to do fun things, to play, to 'chill' or to relax. I feel guilty when I DON'T work. It is as if my brain is on all the time and simply does not want to turn off.

It is not a fun experience. Sometimes I criticize myself for not being able to finish all my work, even though I have been working all day. Why aren't I done this assignment yet? Why can't I just finish it and be DONE? Why can't I be better? WHY WHY WHY?

It feels terrible. By the end, I am neither done my work nor am I satisfied with myself. It results in me feeling bad about myself, along with me feeling incompetent. I feel angry at myself for feeling this way, but I am also angry that I have not been as efficient as I wanted to be.

But I've noticed something. It comes down to this: what am I really trying to achieve? Is it reasonable? Am I trying to finish too much in such a small time period? Have I worked so hard that I am just tired and need to take a break? Am I putting too much expectations on myself that are unreasonable? Usually, this is the issue: I am being too hard on myself. I am pushing myself to be a 'superwomen' - an impossible task, even for the most efficient people.

Great. So I know what the problem is. But how do I solve this? Can I just ignore my work and expect it to get done? Obviously not. But should I still push myself and feel terrible nonetheless?

The answer probably sounds easier than it really is. But the simple answer is: STOP! Stop working, stop criticizing yourself. Stop being too hard on yourself. Breathe. Yes, you have too much to do. Yes, it seems impossible. Yes, you feel angry because you have so much to do and it seems as though it never gets done.

BUT...You are human. I am human. And I know that eventually, I reach my limit. I can no longer push myself to work anymore because I am tired. I look back at what I have done for the day and I suddenly realize that I ACTUALLY HAVE done so much! Maybe I did not finish everything, but that is okay. It is impossible to finish everything! What is important is that today, I have truly done my best. I really have worked hard, and I know it.

I am not saying that I will start to be lazy and not do anything - because honestly, I can never be lazy. I am a working machine. What I AM saying is that taking time to see how much I have achieved makes me stronger. It makes me more aware of my abilities, and this helps me realize that no matter how hard the task at hand may be, I am capable of finishing it. I KNOW I CAN because my past tells me that I am a strong, hard-working, dedicated, and organized person. I have all these wonderful characteristics and I have SEEN proof in my life that I can achieve my goals. But this will not happen if I am stressed, if I push myself too far, or if I criticize myself.

One of my close friends once told me that she thought that she was failing at everything because she could not do everything that she had wanted to complete for the day. My answer? There is no such thing as failure. There are times when we cannot complete all things. There are times when we are not so great at certain tasks. But we are NOT failures. We may make mistakes, we may fall, and heck, we might even totally bomb an assignment! But we are NOT FAILURES because when we fall, we get back UP. We brush off this little challenge or bump in the road and we keep GOING. We do not stop. We KNOW that we are STRONG and we keep pushing.

Have you watched Little Nemo before? If you have, I'll tell you what Dory says...
'Just keep swimming'.

15 comments:

  1. Work,study ,duties ,never never end.
    Every day new kind of work ,homework ,assignments and that is why I dropped of my univesrity study.
    I am pleased with my beauity till I meet one rich man who can marry me.
    That is the reason I enjoy my life .
    Can you learn from a crazy person as me

    Lilian

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey
    Even my machines get tired and I have several times to stop them ,oil and clean them and do some maintaince to keep them in good condition so that they last long.
    Even Marina if you are a machine ,you need to get rest ,look after your self,and pamper yourself quiet a bit

    Hesham
    CNC Machine operator

    ReplyDelete
  3. Keep keep keep swimming.
    As long as We are alive ,we are not a failure.
    We do one little bit at a time and move on.
    We succeed one and may fail twice and then succeed again and so our life will go.
    You Marina teach every body knows you through this blog ,you are example of hope and optimism.

    Mehta

    ReplyDelete
  4. Looking back and reflecting on all your work and achievement may help to have you balance the equation and take breaks for fun,relaxation and doing some make up !!.
    I do like you but my style is different .I like play and fun mor than work and study.
    I am a beautiful girl and I admit ,I spnd more time on my beautiful make up than many others and I am thinking now of making a balance .
    If you and me mix would be just fine

    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree with all of you ,reflecting on what you are doing and may be comapring what you are doing with another person in similar situation(comapre apple to apple)
    I guess you are doing much more .As I understand ,similar people who are recovering from ED protect big chunck of their time to their recovery and rest of time for some fun(in your case may be the fun is nursing )

    I am not discouraging you from being achiever ,hard working ,studying your (A off) but I am feeling you are doing way tooo much.


    Any way I like just keep swimming but apply this to your recovery more than work..

    My self I will keep swimming hopefully I can catch up with the huge pile of assignment that I had to do.



    Jack

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yes there is no such thing as failure and also no such a thing is all work is done.
    Work ,duties never end ,We only do what is priority for the day
    This is me ,am I lazy ??/

    Sebastien

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow
    I wish you can give me a hand to finis some of what I supposed to do since the begining of the year.
    I am not procrastinating but I just do what is very important for the day and the rest later.

    Piush

    ReplyDelete
  8. I spend 75% of my time between sleeping on my bed,in front of my mirror to make sure I am very preetty and at my friends house doing lots of fun stuff.
    How about I share with you my fun and you help me with my work.
    This is fair for both of us.
    Do not worry I will not share with you my bad scores,failing marks and unsatisfactory evals. but you are welcome to share yours with me!!!

    Cheers

    Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  9. Marina
    I thought about this carefully before I leave a comment.
    I did struggle with this long years during my early recovery.
    One time my therapsit brought this issue and told me ,may be 2 componenet can explain why you are pushing too hard on your self
    1-OCD issue as most ED victim
    2-Your internal feeling of loss of many years of productive life while I was struggling with the disease and 5 relapses and yes at least 5 years of my productive life lost.

    So once I reflected on what she said ,I made a plan of recovery from trying to catch up with what I lost and put my self at very ease was my plan to overcome the push for more work .
    Slowly it did work and now I am productive and use my time wisely but I stop short before I feel tired .
    As far as I know you from your blog ,you did not lose any time as a result of your ED or recovery from it and this is a real miracle.
    I hope that you reflect on all the good work ,give your self a credit for it and tell yourself time to rest and realx .

    Recovered ED v

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Marina and Recovered ED V.
    We all need to keep swimming girls.
    Thanks for encouragement and support.
    You are making my time in recovery easier and doable.
    Without you Marina ,I wouldn't have done it

    Anne

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yes
    We all need keep swimming girls.
    Thank you Marina for having me be one of your friends and your gentle encouragement and support


    Nanaraj

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wish you well .We all need to keep swimming at our pace .
    No rush ,no husle

    Gerry

    ReplyDelete
  13. My heart with you all the time lovely Marina.
    You my dear is the most truthworthy person,I ve seen in my life so far.
    You work very hard as you have lots to do and I pray for you ,may God help and bless your move.
    My daughter is doing better and she is very picky about things but I am in support of her 100% as you advised even when I do not agree with her ,I still support her and you are right ,this policy is working.

    May God bless you again and again .

    A thankful mother

    ReplyDelete
  14. What is amazing is you are a multitask person.
    I am yet to see somebody who can do as many things at the same time as you do.
    This is the blessing of Almighty.
    Even as a psychologist to be myself I am leaning towards the self care and clear mind and relaxed nerves but I am on your side all the time .

    Mohammed

    ReplyDelete
  15. I just want say hello and send you some blessing

    Sunday priest

    ReplyDelete

Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.