Saturday, 9 February 2013

Getting Help

I am the type of person who likes to be independent. If I can do it on my own, I will. I am organized and efficient, so getting things done is easy. But when it came to ED, I could not be so independent...

ED took away everything from me. My life, my health, my smile, my personality...it was all gone. I could not get help, even if I wanted to. There were many days when I would be in my bed, hearing my stomach rumble and grumble. Feeling the pain all over my body because I was so hungry - but could not eat. No matter how much I wanted to eat, I simply COULD NOT. My brain said that I should eat - even something small. What would a small apple do? Could I really gain too much weight if I ate a light lunch? Would one spoonful of rice make me fat?

Rationally, I knew that this was not possible. But ED was so strong - too powerful. He convinced me that anything I ate would be converted to fat. I remember crying on some nights because I knew that I was falling deeper and deeper into ED, but I could not stop. I could not make myself eat anything because I was too scared. Scared to eat, to gain weight, to become fat.

I could not admit (out loud) that I needed help. I did decide to see someone to listen to me and give me advice, but it was still difficult. Recovering is somewhat different - and the same in some ways.

Recovery means that I have decided to recover for myself. Not because I am scared of what others can do to me, not because I want to be a hero...but because I want to LIVE. I want to get rid of ED and live the life that I lost for so many years. This sounds fine and lovely, but it is a real challenge.

The first step was admitting that I had a problem. YES. I have anorexia nervosa. I am not ashamed of it. But at the same time, I realize that recovery takes a lot of work. And I cannot do it all on my own. I am the only person who can feed myself and make myself eat. I am the only one who can choose to eat or not to eat. I am the only one who can decide to ignore ED and choose recovery.

But I can't do this without support. I DO need help. I need the love and support from my family. I need the care of my community. I need the encouragment from my friends and readers of my blog. I need the strength from my God. I need the hope that things get better. I need the faith that recovery is possible.

We all need help sometimes. It is often hard for us to admit that we need it - whatever you may be doing or whatever situation you are in. But sometimes it is alright to ask for help. The important thing is to remember that we need help with certain things. Maybe your family cannot complete your homework for you, but they can make you laugh when you are stressed. Maybe your spouse cannot cook for you, but perhaps they can help you clean. Maybe your friends cannot understand what you are going through, but maybe they can lend a listening ear.

18 comments:

  1. I was wondering if your kidney function returned to normal and if you have to get regular tests to see if your kidney function is improving.
    I hope the answer is yes. : )
    All the best, Marcia

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  2. I never made any comments before on your blog,despite I read it regularly.
    I have ED myself.
    I am writing to credit you and give you a bog standing ovation for your honesty in writing all what you were feeling when you were sick .
    I give you a big hand also for your detrmination to complete recovery and guiding other victim too.

    My regards

    Cindrella
    Sheridan C

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  3. Hi Marina
    I am pleased that you r doing all you can to complete recovery .
    As you know I am following your blog for long time and for the first time ,you mention that you welcome help from others .
    Yes my dear ,it is a good sign of recovery ,when you feel you need help from others and you ask for it and accept it.
    This means ED has no control on you.
    You know ED wants to isolate victims from the world,so that only be ED that command and order them what to and not to do.
    Keep up the good job my dear
    I am for one pray and wish you all the best .
    I have complete confidence that hundereds or even thousands of people reading your blog,wish you all the best

    With my humble respect

    Mohammad

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  4. You exactly describing my condition when I was ill and now after my recovery .
    We really were very ill and controlled by ED but now We are better and in control and We are making our choices.
    We are supported by many friends like all the people that leaving positive comments on your blog.
    You and me will and hoplely all who suffered or still suffering from ED will continue to fight ED and eradicate this illness from our life.
    We will make our choices by choosing good life and We will ask for help from those who are able to give a hand ,at least by prayers and good wishes .

    You do not know me and I still prefer not to disclose my identity but I will continue supporting you and all ED victims at least by raising the awareness and guide my close circle of people .

    Recovered ED victim

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  5. Marina, I don't know if you wrote about this already (I just started following) but how do you keep your faith in God despite everything that has happened? I am struggling with my faith.

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  6. Thank you for being a role model in defeating ED and sending a messgae that recovery from ED is a REALITY.
    Thank you for advocating for all of us who are victims.
    Thank you for destigmatizing any illness especilly mental illness

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  7. I am writing to thank you for your commitment to your self and to your blog and your readers.
    By doing all the best you can and choosing recovery and health ,you are helping others to do the same .
    You are an excellent role model .
    I think your family ,community and your school are proud of you.

    Sebastien

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  8. Hello Marina
    I had been teaching my students for years telling them to ask any questions they have as this an opportunity for them to learn.
    When you are a learner ,asking questions is your right and this help you to know what you do not so that you improve your skills and knowledges.

    Also when you are sick or recovering from an illness ,you need to ask doctors,nurses ,families and friends for help.
    Engage all of them to help out.
    If you do not ask for help ,you will not get any.

    Let those around you share their part in your recovery.
    When one family member is sick ,it is responsibility of whole family to try all what they can do to help ,but only with permssion and approval of the person..I mean only when asking .

    I am not saying this because I am 75 and getting sick more often and I want more help from family or friends but I saying this based on my knowledges and experience.

    I am glad that you now Marina talking about this and asking all those who are sick to ask for help and not to wait.You are raising the awareness of all of us .

    Sam Ibrahim
    Burnhamthorpe
    Mississauga

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  9. Hi Marina
    I am Anne
    I appreciate your encouragement in this blog to seek help.
    You know my story when my Ed was convincing me that I have mild case and you said never believe Ed and seek help.
    I hope all of us making use of good people around us and ask how they can help.
    I am learning in my program that I am alone will change my self but I can not do it alone and getting help from others is necsssary .
    Thanks Marina for advocating for all of us.
    I also add my great appreciation to your effor to de-estigmatize ED and all other diseases.
    When people are sick ,all what others can do is support,encourage and smile .

    Anne

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  10. Hi Marina
    I am very independent as well but getting help when needed is very important in our life as We can not have time or effort to do every thing We want.
    I get help from my family ,friends,and my doctors.I always ask for help when I feel necessary and I will not get offended if some body says I can not help as I undersatnd every one has a limit.
    Please ask for help to make things easier for you. That is a sign of recovery and a sign of co-operation ,you help me today ,I will help you tomorow and so on

    This is a fact and not politics!!!
    Jack

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  11. recovery is sticky and messy. it takes time and effort. you are going to struggle, and sometimes regress. it isn’t going to be easy or perfect or clean. it isn’t going to be something that you want unconditionally, but you have to want it enough to keep going. you just cannot stop and eventually you will make it through.

    Macy

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  12. I am for one when I was very sick,I isolated my self ,rejected all the offers of help ,rejected even people who love me.
    While I made my choices and all the way during my recovery up till now,I am accepting any body offer, any help .I will not ever forget my dear neibour who is deaf mute and used to greet me with smile and thumb up .
    I could not believe when I recieved help and support from people I thought to be mean,jealous and selves.
    My best wish and my all heart and soul with you.

    Jasmeet

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  13. I am with you and pray for you.
    Only few people are able to make a difference and you are one of them
    May God bless you

    Sunday Priest

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  14. Journey of illness can be tough and also journey of recovery.
    You eloquently depicting all of this in your blog.
    I have to tell every body that you are the least to complain and you are very independent and very responsible .
    I have clients that have only a fraction from what you have and they bitterly complain and their demands never end .
    Please do ask for help.
    You are the most reasonable and responsible person that is commited and independent.
    You deserve others to care for you and give you a hand.
    It is your right,get it.

    My best wish.
    Kelly W
    Therapist TO

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  15. I want to give you kudos for your commitment,hard work and genuine motivation and detrmination to study nursing while you are not waivering ,faultering or backing on your recovery.
    You are setting an example that I am hoping any of us ,sick or not ,can follow.
    I urge you to ask for help when you need.
    I am a manager and I do assign work and delegate tasks to others.
    Even though I am responsible for all the work but I do not have to do all the work my self.
    Thumb up Marina

    Sally

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  16. We can not live alone.
    We all need to stand for each other .
    You deserve the care,support and encourgement .
    I always ask for help and even when I am bored ,I ask friends to tell me a joke !!
    My teacher in high school used to say if you do not ask,means either you do not know any thing or you know every thing and both wrong .
    In order to get help and still be in control ,please ask for what you need from good people around you.
    I wish you all the best .

    Clorado

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  17. The least I can do for you is praying for you,wishing you luck.
    I like your blog and your detrmination to change self and others to good.
    I wish I know you but suffice to know you through your blog

    Hamza

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  18. I am writing to express my gratitude for your sincerity and honesty.
    I appreciate your independence ,however I urge you to seek any support from those who are able and willing to give.
    We give and take.
    We are here for each other.
    Thank you for your effort in maintaining an excellent well respected blog.

    Lilian

    ReplyDelete

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