Why isn't it all better?!

I thought that once I recovered from ED, life would be so much easier. I thought that everything would be perfect and happy. That nothing would go wrong.

But I was wrong.

Don't misunderstand me, recovering from ED was the most important thing that I did. It gave me back my personality, my health, and my life. But that does not mean that life is 'peachy-key'. Life is still full of it's wild and crazy rides. I'm busy with school, I'm studying for exams, I'm trying to stay on track with recovery, I'm balancing my social obligations, etc.

But what really gets me is that I still struggle a lot. I'm pretty sensitive to things that happen around me - for example, I want everything to be happy all the time. I try to avoid any argumenets because I just want everything to be okay. It feels like since ED is not here anymore, nothing should go wrong or give me a hard time.

I know that this is impossible. Recovering from ED is great - but that does not mean that life will be prefect from now on. There are still so many problems - but that is life. Recovery does not mean that school will be easier, that people will be nicer, etc. Which is what gets me annoyed. WHY IS EVERYTHING NOT BETTER?!

ED tries to tell me that since problems are still in my life, recovery 'is not all that it is set out to be'. He tries to convince me that recovery is not worth it, since life is still full of challenges.

But I'm stronger now. And I know that this is not the case. Sure, life is not all perfect and happy now. But that does not mean that recovery is not worth it. Life is still hard, but I am stronger. Life is challening, but I am determined. Challenges come and go, but I am more prepared to deal with them. Yes, life is not perfect now. But I AM BETTER NOW. That is the difference between my life now and my life a year ago. I have gone through so much and now see that although life is still hard, so many things are not. I am eating now. I no longer have to lie about my food intake. I am stronger now. I no longer have to worry about restricting. I have my old personality back now. I can laugh when I want to. I can make others laugh. I can be myself and love me for ME.

So, life is definitely not always happy or easy. But no one said that recovery would change my life's circumstances. But recovery DID change ME. It changed the way I am able to respond to the ups and downs of life. It changed the way I am able to look at challenges and accept them. It changed the way I feel about myself. It increased my chances of living a happy life.

Recovery is worth it.

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