Monday, 3 December 2012

Why isn't it all better?!

I thought that once I recovered from ED, life would be so much easier. I thought that everything would be perfect and happy. That nothing would go wrong.

But I was wrong.

Don't misunderstand me, recovering from ED was the most important thing that I did. It gave me back my personality, my health, and my life. But that does not mean that life is 'peachy-key'. Life is still full of it's wild and crazy rides. I'm busy with school, I'm studying for exams, I'm trying to stay on track with recovery, I'm balancing my social obligations, etc.

But what really gets me is that I still struggle a lot. I'm pretty sensitive to things that happen around me - for example, I want everything to be happy all the time. I try to avoid any argumenets because I just want everything to be okay. It feels like since ED is not here anymore, nothing should go wrong or give me a hard time.

I know that this is impossible. Recovering from ED is great - but that does not mean that life will be prefect from now on. There are still so many problems - but that is life. Recovery does not mean that school will be easier, that people will be nicer, etc. Which is what gets me annoyed. WHY IS EVERYTHING NOT BETTER?!

ED tries to tell me that since problems are still in my life, recovery 'is not all that it is set out to be'. He tries to convince me that recovery is not worth it, since life is still full of challenges.

But I'm stronger now. And I know that this is not the case. Sure, life is not all perfect and happy now. But that does not mean that recovery is not worth it. Life is still hard, but I am stronger. Life is challening, but I am determined. Challenges come and go, but I am more prepared to deal with them. Yes, life is not perfect now. But I AM BETTER NOW. That is the difference between my life now and my life a year ago. I have gone through so much and now see that although life is still hard, so many things are not. I am eating now. I no longer have to lie about my food intake. I am stronger now. I no longer have to worry about restricting. I have my old personality back now. I can laugh when I want to. I can make others laugh. I can be myself and love me for ME.

So, life is definitely not always happy or easy. But no one said that recovery would change my life's circumstances. But recovery DID change ME. It changed the way I am able to respond to the ups and downs of life. It changed the way I am able to look at challenges and accept them. It changed the way I feel about myself. It increased my chances of living a happy life.

Recovery is worth it.


  1. Yes life may not be all that happy because that is life ,one day happy happy ,one day so so
    But your rceovery helped you to see some happiness,some laughter ,regained your personality
    You are stronger and more efficient to deal with the stress,tough life ,harsh people ,stressful days in a healthy way ,,at least without restriction
    That is great victory that trash all ED tricks

    I never before congratulated you for your recovery but after reading this blog ,let me congratulate you

    Medical student

  2. Even the bible said ,life is tight
    But your recovery changed you to be better in every thing
    To have your feelings back ,joy ,laughter and also some days of sadness
    That is a mixed life
    No one expect to happy all the time
    Life in not all honey ,but mix of honey and ginger,vinegar


  3. thanks everyone! i'm blessed to have your support and love. you are all so kind...

    (p.s. to the person who made the video: im thankful that you support me, but i do not know who you are, nor did i give you permission to use my pictures as you did. can you please send me a FB message or a text, or email - however you can contact me and let me know who you are, otherwise, i will have to report this video because i do not know who made it. thank you!)

    1. I am not the one who did this
      But that is what people do when they do not know the simple ethics of respect and confidentaility.
      It would be polite for who post this ,to ask you first.
      I am not sure of the intention,could be done in good intention.
      I am not judging but if I were that person ,I would ask you first unless I have strong belief that makes you happy

      Forensic scienec student
      Brace Bridge,On

    2. i agree. that ;erson should have asked for permission. you should find out who did that.
      but, even though they were wrong, you look VERY beautiful and have a lovely smile.

    3. I agree
      you look very beautiful and having attractive smile.
      I think recovery will show more of your beauty that ED tried to hide .

      Political science student

  4. I do not have ED but I have my days ,majority good and some tough.
    You now in recovery and your feeling is normal many good ,some hard days while you pushing your self to mainatin your school performace
    I pray God gives you strenght and support as you are doing much much more than many of people that I know

    Keep you spirit up


  5. I think if you slow down,calm down ,do just little ,make an agenda for your daily intertainment and please your self ,you will feel much better
    You are doing toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooomuch my dear


  6. check it out

  7. wow this is you ? you are so beautiful

    1. the best pic is you in the blue dress and white cardigan. are you weight restored in most of these pictures ?

    2. She is like an agel.
      She is born with such a natural beauty.
      She is amazing in her character and her resiliance (figher that never give up to face any challenge)
      She is unique in her hard work to achieve her goals
      That is why I believ in her and I feel she is the best among all her peers.


    3. do you go to church with her or something Henry ?

    4. You will not believe me ,I only know her from her blog. I dated 3 girls and tried all my best to keep the relationship but I got very frustrated as I could not handle their immaturity and foolish thinking and weird behaviours.

      I read Marina's real life story and how she behaves and coped and her love and care for others.
      I can tell the difference


    5. well Henry, hopefully you two can become friends on facebook at get to know each other. a lot of relationships start online these days.

      maybe you finding her blog was meant to be. how did you find her blog

    6. Her blog is my cafe ,where I sit ,read ,enjoy and get support and comfort.
      However I closed my face book long ago when I had it at the hands of my 3 ex GFs .They made me hate to chat or even to hear the word facebook or twitter .
      I will continue read her blog and enough for me to get comfort reading it and hearing she is doing well and progressing in her recovery.


    7. do you have a romantic interest in Marina ? do you go to Mac for nursing too ?

  8. What a pleasant girl ,she is .
    I pray God bless you.
    Keep up the wonderful work

  9. Marina
    I admire and respect you as if I never respect any body before.
    You excellent work stands for you.
    Here you are ,you chanllenging any obstacles
    You are attending all your classess.
    You study as hard as one can do.
    You are making the necessary and rational changes that suit the needs and demands of the moment.
    You are very nice and pleasant to every body
    You love and care for all ED victims and for those who are suffering any kind of illness.
    You are compassionate with your friends and family.
    You do not put any demands on your family or friends
    You do not ask your professors for any special treatment(many people in your situation could use many excuses to get more benifits as easy schedules,easy exam ,delaying duties ,exemptions from many issues,specail transportions ,parking ,etc)
    You are a strong believer and you meet all your church obligations.

    You are an excellent friend to your family.

    You are a gift from heaven given to humans.

    Keep up the excellent work.
    You can rely on many good peoples support.
    I believe there are many people who can stand behind your back.
    There are many people who believe in you.

    Sam Ibrahim

  10. Let me state that I agree completely with most comments written here ,especailly Mr Ibrahim comments.
    Let add my humble respect all the time .
    Let me confirm the fact that you do not feel all are good because of the fact life is not only ED and also the fact that you have high expectaions of your self
    This does not means your course of recovery is not achieving the happiness expected ,if fact it is achieving.
    Keep going all the way
    You can rely on my prayers ,support and good wishes
    I wathced the y tube and I admires you and I send Glory to God for your beautiful creature.


  11. I agree with all comments
    You are talented girl

  12. Fantastic beautiful talented Marina


  13. Lovely ,hard working girl


  14. I have never seen any body admires by reader as you have been
    Let me congratulate you.
    I bow for talent and hard work.
    I agree with all the comments
    I agree with you ,the person who posted your picture should have asked permisons .

  15. Our life is a mix ,some good and few so so and so We can not have all good .
    I am one of your follower and I know how good you are trying to be and you do not stop at minmum.You are achiever .
    Please be easy on your self and suffice to do as little as time allow
    I admire you


  16. I am a thankful mother ,thanking God for having you in my life .You helped me a lot without knowing you did.Your blog and your advise helped me to wake up and wake my daughter and protect her from falling into the traps of ED
    I am and will continue to be thankful to you.
    I will continue my comments and every one ,I will not forget to thank you.
    I thank God that you are much better and I feel it is o k to see some hardship on a daily basis ,but any hardship is incomparable relative to the ED chains of slavery

    Thank God ,you are well ,going to school ,caring for your self and trying to give honest advise in this blog.
    Thank God for the smile and beatiful pictures on You Tube.
    You really look like an Angel

    I Love and thank you my dear

    A very Thankful Mother

  17. do you consider yourself in recovery or recovered. I consider myself in recover, and I haven't acted on symptoms in 2 years. I will always identify as having anorexia - but in recovery


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