Tuesday, 29 January 2013

'Why ME?!'

I have a bad habit of thinking that terrible things always happen to me. I KNOW that I am so blessed in many ways, but for some reason, when trouble comes about, I often become hopeless. And I complain that 'this always happens to me' or 'I am such a problematic person!'.

Well, to be truthful, my life has not exactly been the easiest. I was bullied most of my years in elementary school because of my weight. People were jealous of my marks and teased me frequently. Then, in high school, the eating disorder started. Last summer, I was hospitalized for anorexia. I nearly lost my life, and in the process, scared the life out of my family. The year before, I was involved in a terrible car accident that nearly took my life (which was not my fault, but the person who hit me was not caught - it was a 'hit and run').

So, as you can see, my life has had it's share of troubles. But at the same, I have to look at the other side of things - in all these times, God has helped me through it all. I have managed to get through the accident without any major injuries, I survived the challenge of ED, and I dismissed all the bullies in elementary school. If I got through all these major problems, I should feel strong, right? I should realize that problems are always solved - they just take time.

But sadly, this does not always happen. When a new problem comes up, I still complain. I complain that my life is full of troubles and challenges. I scream because I am so frustrated of life being so cruel to me. I become stressed because I am just sick of dealing with life's obstacles. And so, I forget about all the other times when I have had problems...and with time, these problems were resolved. Not because of me alone - but because of myself, God, and my family and loving friends.

Are you like this? Do you ever get so frustrated with troubles that you stop and think back to all the other times when life was crueil to you? It becomes frustrating, doesn't it? To think of all the times when life just did not go your way. And soon enough, we start saying 'why is life so hard? Why do these things always happen to me? People have it so much easier than me...'

And it might be true. Perhaps you ARE going through something harder than others. Maybe you DO go through many obstacles. But what I have learned is (yes, a cliche): what does not break yoy, makes you stronger. My dad always says, 'the stick that does not hurt you makes you stronger' and 'tough times never last'.

I used to HATE when he said these things. I would respond, 'MY TOUGH TIMES ALWAYS LAST!' or 'I DO NOT FEEL STRONGER!'. But now, as I grow and mature, I realize how blessed I am. I see that God always gets me through my challemges. I see that with the help of loving and supportive people, I can overcome any challenges that I face. Yes, my life may not be the easiest. Who's life is always happy and problem-free? But I am trying to get myself used to the fact that no matter how hard things may be, they get better. It may take longer than I want it to, but it DOES reolve itself.

Throughout my life, I have experienced SO many problems and challenges. Sometimes, it felt that things would NEVER get better. But they did. With faith, hope, support, strength, and perseverance, I was able to overcome these obstacles. Now it is just a matter of remembering this each time I face a new problem. I am strong and able to get over these challenges.

15 comments:

  1. I looked at your blog and I was not sure you wrote new blog and I was lucky to read this today as I have been doing my internal medicine rotation and I feel overwhemed with very difficult comlpicated ,challenging and demanding cases that need me to spend more time ,hard work and I feel stressed.When I talked to my therapist ,I felt better and she exactly told me what your dad is telling you.
    She said becasue you are encountering very difficult cases now and you are still supported by your supervisors ,you are learning more,getting more experience and building immunity ,later in your career ,when you are confroning these cases alone ,you will know how to manage in confidence and feel having experineced this and you will do with success.

    I bet you now have lots of experiences on how to maange when you face any challenge .
    I am so sorry to hear that you have been put to the test several times in your life .
    You are talking about the other side that people do not see.
    We see you as smart beautiful girl recovered from serious disease with little help from doctors ,successful in school ,talended in writing ,has become on the famous NEDIC blog writers and has a successful respected blog.
    No wonder people can get jealous .

    I agree with my therapist ,it is better to meet and confront all the challenegs when you are young and have the support of loving families and friends ,so that later in life you have the experiences to deal with them.
    Every single obstacles will teach us something.

    My tutor told me
    Good judjement comes from bad experiences and good experiences come from bad judjement.
    You have had experiences and this help you come to good judjement.

    Penny
    Medical student

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  2. Oh ,Man
    How heavy is your cross .
    As much as you sustained many tough times and hardship as musch you are being blessed ,being able to pull yourself through all of them and come out not only unscathed but with more determination to continue the sucessful fruitful life.
    I think God has a message to you .
    "Yes I allow suffering to happen but I will be behind your back and I will fill your life with more blessing" God tells you

    You life worth million life
    Happy those who know you

    Sunday Priest

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  3. I have been counting all the benifits of the comlete recovery looking at the postive part of every single thing.

    I believe also with every single trauma you have gone through ,you were also blessed with certain power that helped you to get through and add to your strength and resiliance.

    No wonder you have all the skills ,knowledge and life expreinces.

    I am so sorry to hear that an angel like you had to suffer that many traumatic events.
    I am sure each trauma despite the suffering,you gained skills and experiences and self confidence.

    I hope that mark the end of any suffering and you start to gain the fruits of your hard work,honesty and altruism.

    I wish We can clone you Marina and have just 10 % of Canadians like you,Canada would be like Heaven

    Cheers

    Mary

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  4. If you recall me ,I am also recovered from ED .
    I was born in India .I was severly physically and emotionally abused by my parents and older brothers since I was child.I think that trauma triggered my ED.
    Thank Godness,I got inpatient program in To and I can say I am recovered completely now.
    I thought my abuse and trauma is the worst in history.
    When I read your's in this blog and you put all together,I felt my trauma and sufferning is nothing relative to yours.
    Of course I agree with others that recovering from trauma makes you stronger and experienced but this does not mean ,the trauma is easy.
    I send a message to all parents especailly Indians to be gentle and nice to their kids especailly daughters.

    I am commited to study early childhood education and help all kids and I will comfort and support all children espeacilly who have tough,rude and rigid parents like mine .
    Up till now,I am still distant from my parents and I pray so that I can forgive them .

    Marina you are an angel .
    You are very brave and strong.
    You are a fighter who never give up and who never forget her duties towards self and others.
    You are making a difference .

    You are my hero and my guide even you are younger than me.

    My regards and wish you all the success
    By the way I am following all your blog but rarely I leave anonymous comment

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  5. Why you ,I can not answer.
    But I can tell you if any one of us suffered only one trauma ,only one ,he or she will say I did suffer and I did survive and I do deserve a lot of credits because I defeated the challenging trauma.
    Look at you ,how many trauma and challenging and how miraculously you survived,defeated challenging events and come back as great winner.
    You are a HERO for sure .
    I am saying that and I am learning politics and I know how to say the words.
    My respect

    Jack

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  6. Oh My God ,how many times you got hurt my dear.
    I am one who also had history of traua in my past and I went through long special counselling for post trauma even before I went through my 5 times inpatient Ed treatment program .
    I had as I said one traumatic event and I considered it as enough to upset and disturb the life of any person.
    I agree with previous comments that You are Really a HERO
    You survived well the many traumatic events you had to go through.
    To be honest with you ,you are now really much stronger than many many people .
    Your immune system,your stamina and your resiliance all are stronger.

    Why you? ,hard to answer ,
    I think may be being a nurse ,this experience will help you help many many you will see in your practice .

    My heart with you

    Recovered ED victim for 6 years

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  7. It is my assumption that the answer of your question Why Me?? is because God knows that you will be able to handle ,recover ,get stronger and God is preparing you for a special task and wants you to get experience and this has happened.
    I also beleive other people are right when they said you will benifit others who may find themselves stuggling in similar situation.

    Hamza

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  8. I pray for you to get 100x as much blessing as you suffered.
    No wonder you have the maturity,experience ,wisdom and care for others.
    May God bless you.

    Juliana

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  9. Hey Marina
    Despite I have been following your blog from the begining,I did not recall I know you had suffered that much ,not only ED but several other trauma.
    I did have some sort of trauma but no way close to 1% of yours .
    That is why I know you are a very strong girl.
    My dad is also saying the same like your dad ,the stick that does not break you makes you stronger.
    Keep up my lovely friend

    Mays

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  10. I want to comment on what you said "I do not feel stronger despite my experience"
    Thiis reminded me when I was going to all my exams and despite I studdied hard and felt reviewed every thing,just the night before I used to feel I do not remeber any thing but the day of exam usually go smoothly and I scored always high"
    So this is just a feeling and the feeling depends on our thoughts and so We have to think in positive ways so We feel better ,confident and stronger.
    My point is I see you strong and you are strong and I hope you think positive and feel the reality .
    You are strong

    Hesham

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  11. I agree with you,
    Time is the healer.
    Things will get better
    We grow over time in experience,wisdom ,strength and self confidence

    Sam

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  12. You may not know I am also Egyptian Canadain .My dad always tells me
    Move on and get fresh one ,buy new cow etc.
    He always believe nothing will make him think negative of himself,nothing nobody will shake his self confidence .
    He taught me how to be my self advocate and be proud of my self.
    All what my dad taught me helped me to defend my self when my previous BF was very mean to me and was verbally and emotionally very abusive .
    I stood to myself,I did not let his negative comments affect my self esteem,I advocated for my self.
    I rejected all his negative behaviour and attributed all of it to his failure rather than mine.
    I did not get depressed .
    I love you blog and I am very proud of your personality

    Hend

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  13. No doubt you have been hit hard and no doubt you are able ,strong ,talented and blessed .
    That all what people sad about you and I completely agree and not even this but I believe you are prepared to help as many as your eyes can see when you graduate.
    Keep your fingers crossed and touch wood.

    Kelly W
    Therapist TO

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  14. Hi Marina
    I am Mohammed
    I used to think exactly the same like you especilly when my father went into his years of severe resistant depression that took its toll on all the family.
    If you remember,his ordeal made me to be close to him more and I went to all medical appointments with him and I was amazed with mental health nurse who was my dad therapsit and this encouraged me to study psychology.
    I did learn how to think positive and how to look for my self as winner,successful and good person who can make mistakes.
    I learnt not to self defeat myself when things go wrong even when it my mistake or when I was too lazy to do what I was supposed to do.
    I learnt how to comfort,defend ,pamper and love myself.
    This helped me so much in my university where you see lots of competition and jealously.

    Have a good week end

    With my humble respect

    Mohahhed

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  15. I really agree with what all of you write especially Kelly and Mohahhed.

    Zully

    ReplyDelete

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