Saturday, 5 January 2013

Pampering me...?

When I was in grade eight, I discovered make-up. I was so amused by the fact that girls could use this stuff to make themselves look 'pretty'. It amazed me. I wanted to learn how to use it, and I wanted to use it everyday. So I did.

For me, putting on make-up as a teen was for 'fun'. It was not because I wanted to look good for anyone - I simply wanted to do what others did, and it seemed wonderful that I could actually be creative with it!

As ED moved in, however, this joy of applying make-up disappeared. I did not want to look good. I did not care how I looked. I hardly wanted to wake up and do anything, let alone take time to put on make-up. So I didn't. I hardly cared what I looked like: what clothes I wore, what I put on my face, what I did with my hair, etc.

Why even BOTHER to look good? No one even recgonizes you. You are fat and ugly. There is no point in even trying to make yourself appear 'pretty'. Make-up? Why?! You look terrible! Buy new clothes? For what - you will still look ugly and fat.

Recovering from ED has been a challenge. But I think one thing that is still difficult for me is that I feel as though perhaps I SHOULD use my make-up, like all the other girls my age. I should care about how I look. Not for anyone else - but simply for myself. I deserve to look pretty. I have all the means to do so. So why shouldn't I?

I think it is partially because I am lazy. I do not want to use extra time in my day to put on make-up, take it off at night, etc. It is simply too much work. But the other part of me really wants to use all this 'girly' stuff' because - well, I AM a girl. I deserve to pamper myself.

It will take some time to get used to. I have actually put on sticky notes in my room, reminding me that I deserve to use make-up and look good. It is not because I want to stand out to others. It is more because I want to start caring more about myself. I want to feel like a girly girl again - ask anyone about my years as a teen, and they will tell you that I was the most 'girly girl' you would ever know!

It is really hard. I do not necessarily like doing it, but I know that this is ED. He is trying to make me ignore myself again, to make me feel as though I do not deserve anything good. So my way of fighting him is to do just the opposite. It takes time to get used to doing this. But I can now recognize that it is something I need to do.

12 comments:

  1. Hey Marina
    That is true
    You need to look the prettiest girl to your own eyes and to feel good about yourself and also to bring ED to his knees.
    ED is your enemy who stole years of your life and who denied you the basic little things that all girls enjoy and love to do.
    Please make your year resolution is to treat yourself as Dutchess of the greatermetrolpoitan Toronto
    You deserve to papmer yourself and ED deserves the garbage bag.

    My Humble respect

    Mphammed
    psychology student(PA)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Make up is the least thing that girls enjoy.
    Do not allow any body to deny you your rights

    Hend

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well Marina
    You know if you put make up and pamper yourself ,and feel proud of ED,ED will be in big big trouble ,and so Ed fights you hard
    I suggest to be proactive and look at things ED used to deny you and you do now and nothing harm even if you exaggerate(mean Overdo) as the best way of defence is to attack(act proactively0

    One of the tips that I used during my recovery from depression is to do every thing that opposite to symtoms of my depression
    I means
    Instead of sad ,I try to be happy
    Instead of lack of motivation,I will plan to motivate and encourage my self
    Replace all neagtive ,hopelss thoughts with positive optimistic once
    Instead of locking myself up in my room,I would look for somewhere to go even by myself to look at shop stores
    I am still now treating myself this way and will be my way to prevent depression from hitting me again

    Mays

    ReplyDelete
  4. You really really need to pamper yourself and use the most expensive make up and the most beautiful clothes
    I saw your picture and you are really really beautiful and you have a very beautiful smile
    Please treat your self by what you deserve.

    Mary
    mississauga

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can relate to this. I find it very difficult to be interested in make up and perfume. As you say, part of me feels what is the point, I am ugly and fat and there is nothing I can do about it so why try.
    Also part of me feels like I don't deserve to be pretty and girly.
    I am often given gifts of creams and make up products. I line up all the lotions and potions and barely ever use them.
    Recently I have tried though to be good to myself and treat myself and it does feel good to pamper yourself. We do deserve it, we have suffered enough x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes it is not too late to catch up and make up for what you lost.
      Please treat yourself with what you deserve and little bit more to make up for what you lost.
      You suffered enough and it is time to be honored.

      Sally

      Delete
  6. Its nice to pamper yourself, but you just need to remember you don't need the make-up to look pretty, you're beautiful in many other ways without it! :)

    Allison

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree you are beautiful by nature and your inside is even more beautiful but all of us need to be treated well ,spoiled at times,embelish our self ,
      We all feel good when We get gifts,buy new clothes,put on new shoes ,wear good perfume.Inside all of us a little baby and We need to spoil this little baby inside us
      Please handle this baby inside you with care ,love and honor

      Kathy

      Delete
  7. I would love to pamper my self all the time even when I am busy ,I would take my time to put my make up ,look at myself in my mirror and making sure I am in the best shape
    This make me feel good ,promote my self esteem even if takes a lot of time

    Jen

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think all of us especially you Marina,Allison,Anne and all ED victims ,deserve to treat ourself very well .You guys suffered alot and the diseases took its toll on you and denied you the very little enjoyment of life and hit you hard
    Now in recovery you really need to treat yourself as a " monarchy"

    You deserve the honor
    Please pamper yourself

    Jack

    ReplyDelete
  9. I need some body ,only for me to pampper me all the time
    Is it possible ?/ why not That is what family for .I will ask my loving family to do this for me all the time

    Clorado

    ReplyDelete
  10. Guys
    I am 75 years old and I have all my family pampering me and treating me like thier little baby

    I believe you deserve much much more than I deserve
    I did not suffer 10% from what you suffered and i am 75

    Please baby yourself with care and love and look forward to get the care by yourself if you do not have family or friends to give them to you

    Sam Ibrahim
    Burnhamthorpe ,Mississauga

    ReplyDelete

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