I'm done exams now, although I have summer school. I've been waiting for the summer for so long, considering that I didn't have much of a summer vacation last year. Last summer, I was in the hospital and did not have time to read, play, relax, or go out. This summer will be different. This summer, I plan on having fun!
Something that I've noticed about me is that keeping busy is important. I cannot stay at home one day and do nothing. I cannot stay in bed all day either. For one, this makes me feel lazy and it wastes time. It also gives me nothing to do, which means that there might be room for ED to taunt or tease me. This is why I like to keep busy. Thankfully, I have lots to do! I have books to read that I can't wait to start on! I also can't wait to have time to play board games, watch movies, and relax with family and friends. I'm a shopping addict, and I plan on shopping this summer as well!
What makes this summer different is that I'm healthy and free from ED. I don't have to worry about being too weak to do anything because I'm eating my meals and I have enough energy. I don't have to be anxious about hiding food because I'm eating, just like everyone else. It feels great to look forward to a summer where ED won't bother me. Of course, ED WILL try to plague me. I know that he hates when I'm happy with recovery. He will make me feel fat and ugly. He will tell me that I'm a terrible person for eating regularly. But keeping busy helps me a lot. When I have something to do, I have no time to let ED bother me. Meal times no longer become horrific moments because I make sure that I'm eating while doing an activity - whatever that may be.
This summer is going to be different. I won't worry about ED making my life terrible. This will be the first summer vacation in about seven years that I won't have to worry about finding ways to restrict. It will also be the first summer in a long time when I can go out and have the energy to do whatever I want - and not have to convince others that I "already hate". I will have actually eaten! I can't wait to spend my first summer free of ED. It's amazing to think how a year ago, I was so sick and never would have accepted eating anything at all. A year later, I'm feeding myself my meals, eating on time, healthy, and happy. A year makes a big difference. This, then, is another major benefit of recovery: being able to look forward to the summer and making fun plans, without worrying about ED wrecking everything. I'm very blessed.