Health is Wealth

Before I start, I want to dedicate this post to one of my special friends who I believe will beenefit from this post. Hope it helps! Stay strong! I've mentioned this before, but it keeps coming up in my life: I have a hard time giving myself a break or taking time off. I feel so useless and lazy when I do not do my work, study, read my notes, etc. Even if I am so tired by the end of the day, I still feel as though I need to keep working. It feels BAD to do 'nothing' - as in, to take time off to do fun things, to play, to 'chill' or to relax. I feel guilty when I DON'T work. It is as if my brain is on all the time and simply does not want to turn off. It is not a fun experience. Sometimes I criticize myself for not being able to finish all my work, even though I have been working all day. Why aren't I done this assignment yet? Why can't I just finish it and be DONE? Why can't I be better? WHY WHY WHY? It feels terrible. By the end, I am neither ...

Something special. There is something special about everyone. Something that makes you unique and wonderful. ED used to make me think that I was special because I could survive without eating anything. I didn't need food. I was 'strong, I was special'. It was as though I was able to do what no one else could - I could function and NOT eat anything! But now I see that that was wrong. It was a lie. I wasn't surviving - I was slowly dying. But I could not see it at the time. I was blinded. The drive to lose weight and stay thin was too strong and powerful - it was all I could think of. I wanted - no, I NEEDED to be thin. Nothing else mattered. If I was not thin, I was a failure. If I did not stay small, I was weak and powerless. Of course, this was totally wrong. ED had me fooled. He took away my happiness, and he nearly got my life. So now without ED, it is as though I have nothing special about me - well, I am eating like everyone else. I am no longer the girl wh...

Recovery is hard work. No matter how long you have been in recovery, you will sometimes find that it gets harder at some points and easier at others. Perhaps stress makes it harder to stick to recovery. Or maybe a busy day makes it hard for you to eat on time. Whatever the case, the point is that recovery has its easy and hard moments. One of the hardest experiences I had in recovery was sticking to my plan after I got discharged. I told myself that I would stick to my meals, but as soon as I got out, I felt that I did not want to. It was hard to eat, especially since there was no one there to make me do it. In treatment, there were nurses and doctors there that ensured that you were eating. But at home, who could make me eat? Sure, my family was there. But they could not technically MAKE me do anything. Eating on my own became easier when I realized how terrible ED had been. I looked back at my life and remembered all that ED did to me. He made me restrict and starve, and I near...

I am very honoured to say that my work has been recognized by a different INTERNATIONAL organization called FEAST (families empowered and supporting eating disorder treatment). This organization is for caregivers of people with ED - spouses, siblings, parents, friends, etc. They have a lot of information on their website and they really do make an effort to get the word around about EDs. They have asked me to include my story on their website to encourage caregivers to keep fighting for their loved one. I have included a brief summary of my journey, and I am now volunteering with FEAST to ensure that people are informed about ED. I am really blessed to have this opportunity, as I have received feedback from parents/spouses/siblings from FEAST saying that my story has given them hope and strength that their loved one will recover as well. I hope you enjoy reading this, and please - if you know anyone with ED or have ED yourself and need help, seek it. Read my blog, other websites, g...

Recovering from ED means that I have to feed myself. There is no way around it - I need to eat. But one of the hardest things for me to do now is to ask for food or to admit that I actually liked eating something. It may sound silly to you, but for ED, this is a big issue. Asking my mom to go but me groceries or to pick up a meal for me on her way home feels so....weird. I feel guilty for asking for food. I feel as though I have no right to ask for food. I feel as if I am being a pig if I admit that I enjoyed eating a certain meal. The other day I decided to challenge myself - I would eat something that ED would not like. You see, ED makes you hate food. He makes you look at food as if it is the enemy. So asking for something was a big challenge. Anyways, I bought the food that I had not eaten in years - maybe about seven years. And I looked at it and froze. Now what? Did I have the courage to eat it? Would ED be screaming at me because I was eating this 'forbidden' food? I ...

I am the type of person who likes to be independent. If I can do it on my own, I will. I am organized and efficient, so getting things done is easy. But when it came to ED, I could not be so independent... ED took away everything from me. My life, my health, my smile, my personality...it was all gone. I could not get help, even if I wanted to. There were many days when I would be in my bed, hearing my stomach rumble and grumble. Feeling the pain all over my body because I was so hungry - but could not eat. No matter how much I wanted to eat, I simply COULD NOT. My brain said that I should eat - even something small. What would a small apple do? Could I really gain too much weight if I ate a light lunch? Would one spoonful of rice make me fat? Rationally, I knew that this was not possible. But ED was so strong - too powerful. He convinced me that anything I ate would be converted to fat. I remember crying on some nights because I knew that I was falling deeper and deeper into ED, bu...

Many people are unaware of the fact that February is eating disorder awareness month. Although we need to think about how to help those with ED all year round, this month is especially dedicated to eating disorders. In honour of this month, I want to share some things with those who are suffering from an eating disorder. Regardless of what type of eating disorder you have, these top ten ‘tips’ are worth reading. 1) ED is NOT you fault. Maybe you started off by dieting, but you did not mean for it to go this far. Or maybe you were just a little hungry and sad and decided to eat too much. Perhaps the hype with weight loss got to you. Maybe your peers or family teased you because of your weight. Whatever the reason, this does not mean that you ‘made’ yourself have an eating disorder. Know this one thing: you should not be blaming yourself for this illness.   2) ED is a MENTAL illness. No one chooses to have a mental illness, but when you have it, it needs treatment. Do n...