Friday, 14 February 2014

My Identity Crsis: Published!

I have a confession to make. I struggled for around seven years, trying to find out 'who I really was'. Some might call it an identity crisis, others may call it crazy, To be honest, it doesn't matter what you call it: the end result was the same. I was being controlled by ED, and this made me wonder what was ME, and what was ED.

This is what this post is on. But you can't read it on my blog...because it is PUB:LISHED on NEDIC! NEDIC really liked this piece and felt that it was powerful and reached out to many people...not just those with ED. I'm sure we all go through something similar. Think back to a struggle that you face. It could be a medical illness, such as diabetes or cancer. It could be something mental, such as depression or anxiety. It could even be a habit you have, such as smoking or swearing.

Sometimes, it is hard to determine who is control of our lives: is it the illness/addiction/habit, or is it US (and by us, I don't mean to discount God's role. I just mean: who is in control of your thoughts, feelings, etc). For example, if you struggle with alcoholism, you may WANT to stop drinking. But it isn't that easy, is it? No. You really WANT to, but you CANNOT because of the addiction. Or, if you have depression, you WANT to feel better. But you cannot because you feel so sad or hopeless.

I struggled with this when I was ill with ED. At times, I said I wanted to die as long as I could stay thin. But that wasn't was the eating disorder. It took me so long (and a lot of crying, shouting, eating, gaining weight, and reflecting) to realize that this was not me. I had to be stronger than the ED. I wanted to get better, and soon, I vowed that it didn't matter how long it would take me...I was going to recover from ED, and I would be myself again.

So please, check this post out and comment here and at NEDIC, if you wish to. Are you struggling with an identity crisis? Don't worry - we all do. The key is to recover from it: to realize that you are stronger, smarter, and braver than you think you are.


  1. Hey Marina
    You are exactly me .
    When Iwas sick I completely lost my identity and became a different person to every body.
    Now I am very happy ,I am myself a lovely beautiful girl.
    Happy V day Marina


  2. Congratulations

    I am happy for you in this lovely day


  3. Marina
    I felt lost for many years before you showed me the right way.
    My family almost about to disown me as they never understand my attitude and behaviours about eating and socializing.
    Here I am back to my sound me ,healthy body and lovely spirit
    thanks Marina
    I love you and happy V day


  4. As you recall I struggled for many years and had many relapses .Now I have no relapse for 7 years and I recall the therapist who helped me by differentiating between my self as a person and my behaviours because of the disease.People were rejecting me because of my social behaviours around foods and when in public or during gatherings..
    Now I can look backward and can see how much this ED controlled me and changed my real me and how long I was his slave
    It is good to be myself

    Happy Valentine day

    Recovred ED 7 years no relapse

  5. With recovery you are now the real you,braver,stronger ,smarter and very much loved


  6. To be honest what you have done to get rid of this monster deserves the honor.


  7. Yes Marina
    We all struggle with what we like and what we do not like and most teenager struggle with identity and what kind of future a head.
    The key to get out of this by believing in self and believing you are stronger, smarter and braver than any negative thoughts.
    When ED ,depression ,anxiety negative thoughts take control ,We lose our real identity and We can get it back as you did Marina
    You got your identity and real self back from ED and made fun of the loser ED
    Bravo Marina

    Kelly W

  8. To, have the courage to tell us how ED was controlling you and show us the difference after recovery when you are in complete control and you do what you think better for you and not what ED tell you what you should do , is wonderful message to all of us whose identity is taken by a habit or a disease.
    I hope people will get the complete control of their life at least when comes to making decisions.


  9. congratulations
    You deserve the NEDIC reward


  10. Yes I want be me and no body else
    depression hit me hard and changed me but since my recovery I am Mays ,happy and successful
    You marina did what no body else could do
    Very happy for you


  11. I read this and I really like your reflection on your self and this helped me to reflect on my self too


  12. I struggled as a teenager with the question who I am and what I will do and who I will marry.
    Now I am confident with myself


  13. I can understand why NEDIC is amazed with your writing


  14. To know your self and to be your self is so important to our healthy life


  15. I am very proud of you .
    I am also happy to be myself ,making my own decisions and taking care of my health.


  16. I like the tomato example .
    I guess it is veggie ,not sweet enough to be fruit


  17. You know ED control is same like when a cell infected by a virus, the virus will take control of nuclear DNA and use the cell to its own benefit and replicate and eventually destroy the cell if not recovered before the cell burst .
    To regain your control and take the steering wheel from ED is a very major accomplishment.



    1. Jesus take the wheel !!!


  18. I watched one of my friends who was struggling so much with his identity till got counselling and here he is very successful intelligent young man.


  19. Marina
    That is exactly true .Illnesses can shape people's personality, emotions ,behaviour's ,interactions, thoughts etc.
    Good news as you elegantly said ,with recovery you return to normal identity.
    I learnt how to differentiate between what is because of the disease and what is because of the person and not blame those who are sick but to blame the disease and every one should feel sorry for those who have any disease.


  20. I like this post and I congratulate you for complete recovery and successful life .


  21. Yes We lose our identity when We struggle with any mental illness but you showed every body that recovery is real and make a big difference .


  22. Excellent courageous and daring reflection that can come only from courageous knowledgeable person as Marina


  23. I lost my identity after a bitter divorce but I recovered completely soon after and I have happy marriage and life now


  24. Very interesting

  25. Now We know how your real identity is as stronger,perseverance ,hard working caring, articulate ,public speaker ,self confident.
    No doubt the ED covered your real identity for years but You were able to kick him out.


  26. Being able to pull your self from all what you had been through is a strong evidence that you are brave, strong
    ,confident and in control.
    Keep up the excellent job


  27. Yes the real you is after recovery not before recovery.
    You know even when We have a little cold ,We would be different
    I do suffer from recurrent colds and I am grumpy a lot when I have a cold and this is not me ,how about when you had serious controlling and demanding ED.
    May God bless you.


  28. let me disagree with the title
    You identity is one of the best .
    Having some dust on your clothes at times when you were sick ,will not affect your identity.
    Now after recovery you are clean of ED and his dust.

    Sam Ibrahim

  29. God created us on his image and no matter how We may have some symptoms of a disease ,that could let us behave different than the genuine we, however when we recover We regain our genuine pure nature.
    It happened to me and I am a priest when I was depressed when my son was sick ,but soon I recovered .
    Glory to Lord

    Sunday priest

  30. Carefully I read all comments and all agreeing that your personality is strong. You have great self awareness and confidence .You are resilient(= you did well despite all obstacles) and you were able to get all your excellent identity characters after your recovery and ED with all his prongs was not able to leave significant scars on you.
    You in fact turning the scars of ED into starts laminating your life and others

    This is the benefit of complete recovery.

    Your friend on line


  31. I also agree with all positive comments written about you Marina
    I liked your reflection on how the disease can shape our body and influence our behaviours and how recovery can get us back to our normal self, body and feeling.


  32. I admire your braveness and professionalism in describing feelings and emotions.


  33. I agree your blog is one of most helpful and respected .
    You really are a GEM
    congratulations for being one of the famous NEDIC blog writers


  34. Congratulations for publishing again at NEDIC .


  35. Congratulation for a publishing excellent article .


  36. Yes it is excellent job
    I give you an standing ovation Marina


  37. Yes it is excellent job

    Sandra D

  38. I am glad to know that when I was not feeling well and I was saying or doing something that not really me ,that was the disease and not me .
    This knowledge making me feel better.


  39. Even when I do not sleep well ,I behave differently and this is not me .
    Thanks Marina for normalization of our illnesses.


  40. Amazing Job Marina


  41. I can understand now how my GF is having 2 identities .She explained to me her PMS makes her grumpy and moo0dy and this not her and when no PMS she is lovely and pleasant.
    Now I can understand .
    I will give her more support during PMS !!


  42. Marina my dear
    If you are able to pull yourself from this ED and continue your study without missing classes or dropping out, you have the best identity and you achieved the greatest accomplishment.
    Nothing in life can buy good health and happy life.
    I know my some people with kidney failure and they wish to pay millions to get a functioning kidney.

    I admire you so much Marina and I believe you are gifted with strong identity and kind personality and talented brain.
    I also believe those who know you closely may speak even more about you and how good as a person you are.
    My conclusion not to flatter you as I do not know you personally but this based on your honesty in writing your blog and sharing to benefit others and you did help me to help my daughter who is not in excellent health.

    A thankful mother

  43. Yahoooo
    I love and I agree with what JP wrote


  44. So Do I
    I like the blog but comments are up to the point



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