I have a confession to make. I struggled for around seven years, trying to find out 'who I really was'. Some might call it an identity crisis, others may call it crazy, To be honest, it doesn't matter what you call it: the end result was the same. I was being controlled by ED, and this made me wonder what was ME, and what was ED. http://www.nedic.ca/blog/free-be-me-not-ed
This is what this post is on. But you can't read it on my blog...because it is PUB:LISHED on NEDIC! NEDIC really liked this piece and felt that it was powerful and reached out to many people...not just those with ED. I'm sure we all go through something similar. Think back to a struggle that you face. It could be a medical illness, such as diabetes or cancer. It could be something mental, such as depression or anxiety. It could even be a habit you have, such as smoking or swearing.
Sometimes, it is hard to determine who is control of our lives: is it the illness/addiction/habit, or is it US (and by us, I don't mean to discount God's role. I just mean: who is in control of your thoughts, feelings, etc). For example, if you struggle with alcoholism, you may WANT to stop drinking. But it isn't that easy, is it? No. You really WANT to, but you CANNOT because of the addiction. Or, if you have depression, you WANT to feel better. But you cannot because you feel so sad or hopeless.
I struggled with this when I was ill with ED. At times, I said I wanted to die as long as I could stay thin. But that wasn't me...it was the eating disorder. It took me so long (and a lot of crying, shouting, eating, gaining weight, and reflecting) to realize that this was not me. I had to be stronger than the ED. I wanted to get better, and soon, I vowed that it didn't matter how long it would take me...I was going to recover from ED, and I would be myself again.
So please, check this post out and comment here and at NEDIC, if you wish to. Are you struggling with an identity crisis? Don't worry - we all do. The key is to recover from it: to realize that you are stronger, smarter, and braver than you think you are.