Saturday, 27 April 2013

One year ago...

One year ago - exactly one year on April 27, 2012 - I was admitted into the ER because I was dying. I was severely malnourished. My parents drove me to the ER, not knowing what would happen. All they knew was that I was sick and needed help right away. I, on the other hand, was far from pleased. I was angry. How could they take me to the hospital? They hated me, didn't they? They were the worst parents in the world for abandoning me and making me go to the ER.

I got into the ER and sat for about five minutes until I was admited. The nurse weighed me, and stared at the scale. When she told me my weight, I shrugged. So what? I knew that I was skinny. DUH! That was the whole point of starving myself. I was angry to be there. When I got admitted, I just thought that all it would take was a few days to eat, and then the hospital would let me go.

Little did I know how much damage was going on inside of me. Blood work was taken, and my results were horrible. Sodium, potassium, and glucose were low, meaning that I was starving. Urea and creatinine were sky high, indicating kidney failure and dehydration. Hemoglobin was terribly low, meaning that I had very little blood left in me. An ECG was done, and it showed that my heart was failing. I remember the doctor coming in to me in the ER and telling me, 'I'm going to keep you here for a while. You are very sick. I'm also calling in the eating disorder team'.

WHAT?! HOW DARE HE?! I was not sick enough to need hospitalization for ED. This doctor was clearly out of his mind. And my parents? Oh man. I was SO angry with them that I refused to talk to them. I vowed to never forgive them. I hated them for taking me to the hospital.

And so began my journey with ED in the hospital. I won't get into detail, because all of my story is posted in the first few posts on my blog. This post will not review all those terrible events. This post is meant for me to reflect on how far I have come.

One year ago, I was dying. I was starving. I was underweight. I hated my parents for taking me to the hospital.

One year later, today, I am living. I am eating. I am weight restored. I love my parents because they are the strongest people I know. I am eating my meals as scheduled - and enough. I am smiling, singing, studying, and laughing. I am enjoying my time with my family and friends. I am living my life like any other girl should.

A year makes a big difference. I honestly thought I would never get out of the hospital. Especially when I went into the ICU with dialysis, kidney failure, a failing heart, a breathing tube, multiple IVs, pneumonia, etc. But today, I am well and healthy, thank God. All of my organs are miraculously better - no lasting damage. I am home with my loving family. I am able to continue my nursing degree at my university. I am an international writer for NEDIC, and I have my blog that has been recognized by many prestigious organizations. WOW. What a difference a year makes.

I want to take this chance to say 'thank you' to my parents and sister. When they admitted me to the hospital, I said some pretty mean things to them. I was just so scared and angry that they had taken me away from home to the hospital that I told them I hated them. But I did not mean it. I was just so scared and frustrated. The truth is, I love them to death. They never left my side when I was in the hospital. Even when I was in the ICU and unconcious, they still stayed with me. They prayed for me, having faith that God would give me life again. MOM, DAD, and NANSY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! You guys are the strength and power that kept me going, that gave me life again, that made God look down on me and renew my life. I will forever be in debt to you all for what you have done for me. You three have showed me that pure, unconditional love is a powerful thing.

To me, this one year anniversary marks an important date in my life. I look at myself today and think that I am doing a pretty good job. I may not be free of ED, but I am stronger. I still get thoughts from ED, my body image and self-esteem are not great, but I am eating and healthy. I might not feel hungry, but I can still make myself eat what I need to. No one needs to tell me to eat. ED might still tell me mean things and try to make me fall, but I have the upper hand now. I am not ashamed to tell my story to the world because I believe that God has put me through this experience in order to help others and to show that recovery from ED is possible - no matter how sick one may be.

Thank you to everyone who reads this blog, who comments, and who supports me - both here and in life. You are all so wonderful. I cannot say it enough. Without everyone's love and support, I would not be here today. God bless all of you for the service and care you show to me.

To those suffering with ED, I pray that this gives you hope. Recovery is possible. I never thought that I would ever eat again, but here I am! I never thought that I would live, but I survived! I fought, and with the help of my family and the power of God, I am free. I am in recovery. Glory to God!

One year ago, I was starving myself to death. ED was in control. I was dying.
One year later, I am eating my way through life. I am in control. I am alive.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phillipians 4:13).


  1. I am very happy to be first person to congratulate you .God gives your life back for a good reason.
    God (through you) gave good life back to my daughter.
    Thank you
    God Bless you

    JP(a thankful mother)

  2. What a difference ,a year can make
    You set an example for prolife


  3. It is God will and your motivation to change and your belief in recovery and is making the necssary changes.

    I celebrate with you.

    Sandra D

  4. I am going to my church and I will pray and thank God for you.

    You are a real angel Marina


  5. Marina
    I am celebrating and honouring the recovery moemnt with you today.
    Your story touched me and shook me to my core and without it I also could be dead.
    Marina I do not have a supportive parents as you but I have many good friends and have my family doctor as excellent support and above all I have you.
    I love you so much Marina and I do believ that God saved you for me and others like me .

    You deserve to live the best life Marina
    Thank you so much.

    Anne in recovery ,thanks To Marina

  6. Marina
    You may not know that I had severe depression after a bitterly separation from my partner.I got hurt emotionally and financially.
    When I was given your blog and I started reading it,slowly I felt better and slowly I recovered and now I am back to my full time job and living a happy life.
    I can tell you reading your story and getting message of hope and your ability to stimulate and motivate others really helped me and I am sure helping many others.

    Marina I am not exaggerating if I tell you ,God saved you for me .

    Please continue the course

    My regards


  7. Despite I feel sorry for your suffering,I congratulate you for the recovery.
    I know people lsot their lives when had one organ failure and here you are after having many organ failed on you,God made the miracle and you are now setting an example to all of us that no matter how life can be tough,always hope is coming.

    Thank you
    May God continue bess you

    My humble resepct but big congratulation


  8. I love you so much Marina since I came across your blog.I was depressed and I am maintaing my recovery and one of things I enjoy is reading your blog.
    God bless you


  9. Congratulation for your achievemnts


  10. You dererve to celebrate


  11. I take my hat off for you


  12. Congratultions big girl


  13. We love you and happy for you


  14. Congrat Ms Hope


  15. This is your achievement.
    You and all your reader proud of it


  16. You made it possible to cure ED


  17. I am very happy for you.


  18. WOW
    Keep up the excellent job


  19. This year is a turning point


  20. keep up this unprecedented accomplishment


  21. I give you a thumb up for your victory over serious illness


  22. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


  23. Good job


  24. It is hopeful that with determination ,u have been able to regain control over a serious disease.
    Keep up


  25. I am not aware of any hospital or program that can make that success in recovery as you did on your own.
    I give you all the credit and congrat you and your family.
    Your sucess is not only for you but for all those suffering from ED


  26. I give you an standing ovation


  27. Good Job Marina


  28. Wonderful

    A Woodward

  29. Congratulation to you ,me and all your readers for winning the war against ED


  30. You are talented ,detremind and that is why you succeed when others fail


  31. I am happy for you


  32. This is not less than a breakthrough in treating ED.
    You could do it with very minimal support by a haelth care provider.
    This is a real accomplishment that I hope many others will follow

    I also take my hat off for you

    Medical student

  33. My heart-filt congratulation Marina


  34. Please maintain your excellency


  35. Your recovery motivates me to maintain my sobriety for ever
    Thank you and congratulations


  36. Huray Huray

    Congratultions Marina


  37. I bet ,you are the best


  38. Congratulation.
    I wish you continue being sucessful


  39. keep in control and continue to set an example


  40. You are a role model in overcoming any obstacles .You are a great support to those in need.I can not foregt when you supported me .


  41. Hey Marina
    I took a moment on my week end to reflect on my notes and I am quoting some tips that you mentioned before .
    Not surprising you are helping others by your wonderful blog while you are succeeding in your life and maintaining your recovery.
    Four Laws of Communication

    1) stop lying and start telling the truth: this makes communication clear and honest. It also helps to build trust and comfort in the other person.
    2) keep current: there is no benefit of bringing up past mistakes or issues. Focus on the present.
    3) assault the issue, not the other person: attacks on the other person only makes them defensive. Instead, realize that the problem is what needs to be resolved.
    4) pro-act, don't react: reacting creates defensiveness. Communicating with love and controlling anger allows the issue to be dealt with.

    I have several of those tips for my own benifts


    1. Shady, these are awesome! I enjoyed reading them and learned from them as well! God bless you!

  42. You are talented
    No doubt


  43. You are doing what many many can not do
    God bless u


  44. What could happen to me that last year if I have not come across your blog and get some help.
    As I look at you as my leader and guide and role model ,I try to be easy on myself as I can not do half or even a quarter of you are doing.
    I keep you as my leader in recovery and I will continue follow your path.
    God has sent you to my way so that I will regain my life again.

    Congratulations my friend


  45. I am glad to hear your success and makinga difference.


  46. Marina
    Ive never talked to you before but I read all your posts.
    I have Ed for years .
    I understand that you are talented,determind and resiliant and so you are able to do things on your own and you have been sucessful .Also you are educated and knowledgible.
    Do you think others can do same as you did ??

    Thanks for giving all ED hope of recovery.


  47. I admire you taking on the responsibility ,not only to recover yourself but trying extend the recovery to others .
    What a Wonderful young lady.


  48. I am from Jordan and I am pleased that one of my home land community is making breakthrough in medicine .
    I urge you to keep up .I can see how many others encouraged by your success in control a disease that they once thought never happen

    Middle easter origin like you

  49. Can you explain to us how could you do this with little medical help.
    I am amazed and give up thumb up girl


  50. THANK YOU to everyone who commented and supported me here. I appreciate it all! God bless all of you!


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