Body 'exposure'

I've struggled with accepting my body the way it is now, and I still do. It is hard for someone with ED to see and feel their body getting bigger. This is made worse when I feel full after eating, if I wear clothes that feel a little too tight, or if I am having a bad day and look in the mirror.

'Body exposure' is a term used to describe the process whereby patients with ED learn to accept their bodies. If you remember, I wrote a post about how I do not LOVE my body - I simpy accept it. This is normal for many people, but more so with those with ED. We do not need to love our bodies, as this is highly unlikely. However, we need to accept our bodies as being healthy and appreciate how much they enable us to do. Patients with ED, myself included, struggle with this acceptance. It is made worse when we try to avoid our bodies. For example, some do not wear swimming suits so that they do not see their bodies or skin. Others avoid mirrors, or dress in the dark. It sounds drastic, but this goes to show how extreme this hatred or fear of the body might be.

Body exposure can be done in many ways. Some suggest staying in front of a mirror and staring, while avoiding making negative comments. To be honest, this does not work for me. A mirror should ONLY be for looking to check how you look before going out, nothing more. So, staring in front of a mirror actually makes me a lot more uncomfortable. However, this leaves me stuck without a solution to my body image issues.

One way that has helped me tremendously is massage therapy. I absolutely LOVE getting massages, as they really make me relax. It makes my muscles feel calm and it helps me to forget about all the troubles in this world. Interestingly, research acually shows that massages are helpful in the treatment of EDs (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16864390). The reasons for this may vary, but generally, massages help a person relax. For me, this makes me appreciate how tired my body is and it helps me understand just how much my body has done for me throughout the day. When I get a massage, I do not feel pain like before when I was too thin and all my bones ached as people touched them. Now, my muscles and bones are strong. It also helps to take my mind off the day and it puts me in a calm mood.

Why is body exposure important? Technically, I can live my whole life hating my body. And a ttimes, I really DO hate the way it looks and all the weight I have gained. I do not know if I will ever truly LOVE my body, but I am trying to make myself become used to it. In other words, I am trying to desensitizze myself to my new body. Massages are a great way to do this. Different people may find that other things work for them; for example, swimming, using their bodies to excercise, stretching, yoga, etc. What is amazing is when I was too thin, I could not do any of this. People(family, mostly) did not allow me to move/excercise/stretch because they were so worried that any extensive movement could hurt me. Now, with my body back in shape and my weight healthy again, I can safely do anything I want! I can run, jump, skip, hop...I am free. Recovering from ED has therefore not only helped me get a healthy body and mind back, but it has also helped me to do more with my body than ever before. I do not need to worry anymore about hurting myself beacuse of my small size - my muscles and bones are strong again and they help me do wonderous things. So, I might not always love my new body, but I certainly love the amazing things it helps me do. I suppose it is, again, like other things in recovery: it is so hard to get used to, and often, I want to give up. But the more I work at it, the easier it becomes. And sometimes, I can see the positive side of things. I can see how much recovery has changed my life and has helped me to grow - physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.

Popular posts from this blog

The 'Comfort Zone'

Image
  No one likes to be challenged out of their 'comfort zone'. You know - the place where you know you will succeed. Please note that I am not talking about real safety. There is a HUGE difference between challenging yourself to do something you are worried you will fail at, and putting yourself at risk of harm. I am not a 'risk-taker' by any means. I hate roller-coasters. I despise scary movies. I don't speed through yellow lights hoping to pass through. At the same time, I'm not superstitious. I will take some risks if I think that they are reasonable. I will apply for positions that I am not sure I will get. I will try drawing something that I have never tried before. I will (cautiously!) try new yoga positions to test my balance. At the same time, I very much dislike getting out of my comfort zone in certain situations. For example, I applied to a position a while ago, feeling nervous that I would not get it. I mean, how awful would it be if I did NOT get it? ...
Read more

Happy Mothers' Day!

Today is Mothers' Day! Happy Mothers' Day to all the moms, sisters, aunts, grandmas, cousins, etc all over the world! You deserve to be recognized everyday for your work, but today is a special day just for us to tell you how amazing and wonderful you all are! This day is certainly important for me, because my mom is my best friend. She is everything to me. I want her to know how much she means to me - and how much I appreciate her. Mom, this is for you! Last year on Mother's Day, I was dying in the ICU and could not breathe. I didn't even have enough breath to tell my mom, 'happy mothers' day'. And she didn't protest or complain. She stayed by my side and prayed, looking into my dull and tired eyes. She told me, 'don't worry, Marina. You will be okay. All I want for Mother's Day is for you to be alive and to come out of this healthy and well. That is the best and only gift I want'. I cried because I couldn't give her a proper ...
Read more

Published again! - and birthday celebrations

Image
I am blessed to say that once again, my writing has been featured on Fr. Anthony's site. This time, my post is about suffering and pain, and how to communicate with God during these times : http://franthony.com/how-long-o-lord/ I will be honest with you, I find that when I get overwhelmed by the troubles in this world, it becomes difficult to do anything. And sometimes, the hardest thing to do during tribulations is to pray. We all have times when we don't feel like talking to God - and this is harder when we feel angry or fearful that God has forgotten about us. Here is a little secret: God can never forget about us . He loves us unconditionally. And He has His eyes on you all the time, His hands around you to protect you, and His ears ready to listen. I know that sometimes it is hard to pray and communicate with God when we are facing obstacles because we don't understand why things are happening as in our lives. But know this: 'all things work together  for the g...
Read more